Stories of emotional violence of this order are quite complex and tortuous as long as the mechanisms of perverse action are not deeply understood. Relationships go through manipulation games, where sometimes you hit, sometimes you smooth, making the daughters, victims of this abusive plot, disbelieve in any type of concrete perception they may have about reality. In the brief moments in which they experience outbreaks of lucidity about affective inconsistencies and question them, they are severely attacked by these abusive mothers, who are enraged when confronted. As a consequence, they make use of coercive maneuvers so that their daughters remain submissive to their mandates, making use of all the power of maternal authority they have, showing themselves to be hurt, disqualifying them, inserting blame and accusing them of not being good daughters.
As in the “fairy tale”, these mothers imaginarily look at themselves in the mirror, not admitting under any circumstances having someone around who can serve as a threat in the expression of its shine and beauty. They have great difficulty in accepting that time passes and that they get old and as unbelievable as it may seem, seeing youth in your daughters is the worst of all worlds. There is a veiled competition, a refusal to pass the baton of the feminine to the women of the family that comes after them. They have above average vanities revealed by the excessive praise they have of themselves, and they never miss the opportunity to tell everyone how nice, dear people they are and how everyone loves them.
Moreover, daughters raised in this type of environment, desolate and insecure, don't know what to do so that they can get a look of welcome and love from these limited mothers. They literally walk on eggshells so they don't feel criticized, so they don't resent something they supposedly did, so they don't suffer even more from the existing attitudes of isolation and emotional abandonment. As the mothers are on alert monitoring them, in order to erase any type of manifestation that could supposedly overshadow them, the inferred blows aim to break any type of emotional strength and identity that the daughters may have. The manipulations for these intentions to happen go through veiled coercion disavowing them in the confidence of their perceptions and, consequently, in the construction of a healthy self-esteem.
Because they are at the service of themselves, these mothers can only look at those around them, as mere manipulable objects that are there just to serve them in their infinite demands.
As they do everything to invalidate any movement that could make their daughters appear, from a very early age they are “trained” to be ashamed if they happen to appear more than their mothers. In a silent pact of family loyalty to these mothers, many of these daughters become passive, submissive hostages and eternal emotional dependents, seeking at all costs approval for their attitudes, trying to please their mother first and throughout life expanding this pattern of behavior for everyone else they meet along the way.
As a common characteristic, they all have abundant energy and from an early age they learn that in order to survive they must go over themselves, denying their pain, looking only at the desires of others, seeking to satisfy them in an attempt to receive a minimal look of approval, recognition. and love. Over time, they forget that having their own desires is also a right.
Like trauma of a lifetime, hostages to the fear of rejection, the feeling of emptiness and isolation so known, therefore, without knowing and with little discernment to understand what is happening to them and what moves them, until they wake up they can go through the most diverse types of emotional violence. They need to learn the difference between abuse and resilience. The anguish of the lack of a real bond and the promise that it can happen, but that it never happens in the relationship with these mothers, is part of the results of the abuse suffered that leaves them as hostages throughout their lives, repeating these emotional scenarios until they grieve. of these affectively impossible mothers.
At some point, when they wake up from the emotional abuse plot in which they are involved, they may need a lot of therapeutic help so that the rescue of their identities can happen. Depending on the magnitude of the harm caused and the possibility of toxic emotional recontamination, distancing is one of the choices that usually help to strengthen the personality of the victims, who will be far from the daily attacks. Therefore, three types of survival attitudes can be deliberately triggered:
1 – Physical distancing for some time in order to reorganize the identity away from massive derogatory attacks and a return to socializing when one is more strengthened and emotionally armored.
2- Intermittent physical withdrawal due to family practices issues and for understanding the mother as a psychically ill being, an attitude that, at first, is not yet a guarantee of total security of the victim's emotional preservation.
3 – Non-contact. In more serious situations, where abuse is unbearable for survival, when the victim is at risk of losing sanity and health, total removal is the only possible way out.
It is important to know that if the case leads to attitudes of withdrawal, that the victim, after reprocessing her emotional contents and still having enough information about what is happening in her life, articulate wise strategies to not get out of this situation even more hurt and that she does not nothing before achieving complete clarity about the plot in which it is involved.
In situations where there is no possible solution to change the mothers' behavior, in some way, whether physically, emotionally or in both cases, a gradual and silent withdrawal is inexorable as a mechanism for the victims' survival, and this can occur even though there is a humanitarian eye of understanding over the whole drama and even as the day-to-day relationship continues.
Remembering that once the soul is conquered in lucidity, it becomes incorruptible and will surely know how to recognize the best attitude to take.
The more awake, the better!
