It is common nowadays to hear the phrase “love yourself more” in any communication vehicle, in addition to classic self-help books. This sounds like a good idea to most people, but if you're in anguish or in the midst of irreparable loss, the only thing you can think about is loving yourself like there's no tomorrow.
Why would anyone choose not to love themselves if it were that easy?
Loving yourself is as complex an idea as the idea of ​​loving someone else. Many people have a different understanding of what constitutes “love”, whether it is for oneself or for someone else. Sometimes both seem impossible and scary, but we always seek to understand what this emotional connection is.
Perhaps a lot of people are going through a breakup recently, and this seems like an impossible time to have healthy self-love as we feel rejected and unappreciated. The feeling of inner emptiness is caused by the unexpected rupture, and when we are in a relationship, we end up “merging” with the figure of the partner, thus losing our own light. And many times, the only love I felt was love for the other, forgetting self-love. It's times like these that the biggest "love yourself more" incentives are welcome!
So now the question arises: “How can I love myself more? How to do this?".
To love yourself, you must first know yourself and then you must accept what you know about yourself. Self-knowledge is a journey into your inner self, so it's important to start right now. See:
- Start paying attention to all your thoughts and feelings.
- Keep a diary. Write about where you were and where you are now.
- Talk to a therapist, counselor, or friend who will listen without judgment but who is wise enough to give you compassionate feedback and insights about themselves.
- Read self-help books that deal with the issues that bother you and that deal with family and childhood dynamics.
Self-acceptance can feel uncomfortable. There is much in our upbringing that teaches us to deny our true thoughts and feelings. By the time we are ready to know and accept ourselves, it can feel strange. We end up discovering things about ourselves that we never imagined. It's an indication that we need to change a lot of choices and behaviors, take responsibility for any mistakes we've made and that we really need to accept and improve. If we don't, we will feel shame and guilt, which will prevent us from being able to love ourselves. These two feelings are the arch enemies of self-love.
Self-acceptance also comes with detachment. Forgiving ourselves dissolves feelings of shame and guilt and we can then be free to love one another as well as ourselves. The spirit of love is very forgiving, so you always need to take the time to analyze your attitudes and behavior.
If we use negativity for a long time, the process of actively loving can take much longer, causing us to waste precious time. It is worth working hard to regain our self-love in an honest and compassionate way, which is the great key to opening the door to a new authentic and lasting relationship in our lives.
• Text translated and adapted by Natalia Iannone from the Eu Sem Fronteiras Team
