This Elegant Lady Who Uses Our Negative Feelings To Feed Her 10 Children AKA Internal Saboteurs
Evandro was only 38 years old, but he was so tired that he lived as if he had been on Earth much longer. He didn't even remember when he gave up fighting for his dreams anymore.As a teenager, Evandro gained a reputation as a dreamer, but for some time now, when someone asked him about his dreams, his answer was always the same: “No more dreams! What's the point of fighting for something? Every time I get a little better, life comes along and trips me up… nothing goes right for me, I can’t take it anymore…”
Like Evandro, many people give up when they feel like they are fighting an unknown force that always finds a way to stop their dreams from being realized.
Yes, at this point Evandro was right, there is indeed an invisible and silent force that was acting inside him at that moment. She always presented herself as a friend and managed to convince Evandro that she was protecting his interests, but in fact she was acting against him all along, sabotaging all his dreams and destroying within him the hope of experiencing the fullness of life.
The Elegant Lady managed to entangle Evandro in that illusion for some years. He just found out that her real name is self sabotage much later, when he already felt without the strength to fight.
Feeling that he needed help, he began his search.
The True Face of Self-Sabotage
I like to describe self-sabotage as a Elegant Lady with 10 very powerful children, who are known by the nickname Internal Saboteurs.
Each of them got its own name according to the characteristics it developed.
According to author Shirzad Chamine, in his book Positive Intelligence, “Inner Saboteurs are a set of automatic and habitual mental patterns, each with its own voice, beliefs and assumptions, which, despite presenting themselves as friends, actually work against each other. what is the best for you."
The author explains in his book that internal saboteurs are a “universal phenomenon” and “exist in all cultures, age groups and both genders, because they are linked to brain functions that focus on survival”.
This means that no one is immune to the attacks of self-sabotage through their 10 children.
In fact, internal saboteurs are programming that we develop in childhood, with the clear goal of surviving the physical and emotional threats of that period of our lives.
Upon reaching adulthood, that internal programming loses its function and should be uninstalled, but many of us are not even aware of its existence. Most people, instead of uninstalling the old program, just throw it to the subconscious and go on living without knowing the damage that outdated program will do to their lives until it is uninstalled.
That day was different for Evandro. Early in the morning he received an invitation from his sister, who seemed anxious on the phone.
Family was his most prized possession, so he couldn't wait for lunch to meet his sister.
Contrary to all expectations, she arrived smiling and didn't even have time to ask anything. Evandro's sister placed an envelope on the table and, without saying a word, pushed the envelope towards him.
Evandro was always curious, but at that moment fear was greater than curiosity.
- "What is this?" - He asked.
– “Open” – was the reply.
- "You are scarring me. What is this? The result of an exam? You are sick?" – asked Evandro, afraid to touch the envelope.
She opened her smile even wider and replied
– “Do I look like someone who is sick? Open it soon!”
Timidly, he opened the envelope and found a business card inside. The card said “You are in the Ideal Life Program”; there was also a phone number to schedule meetings. Along with the card was a handwritten letter. He opened the letter and his eyes filled with tears as he tried to read it.
– “I thought you would like it.” – said the sister – “The whole family has gathered to give you this gift, so that you will be happy again. Nobody can stand to see you like this anymore, but it looks like you didn’t like it.”
– “Yes, I liked it, that’s not it.” – was Evandro's answer.
- "What is it then? Look… we thought of several things to give you, we even had a family meeting to decide, and the guys came to the conclusion that this would be the best gift. Isn't this what you were wanting? I remember you said several times that you wanted to take this course.” – The sister spoke as she called the waiter.
– “It’s great, but I don’t deserve it.” - said Evander.
– “Isn’t the course about self-sabotage?” asked the sister.
– “It's not a course, it's a program. But… yes… it’s to learn to deal with self-sabotage… – Evandro said
She didn’t even let Evandro finish talking and concluded right away…
– “See how much you need this? You're already sabotaging yourself with this business of not deserving. Bro, here’s the thing: we got together, bought the course for you…
- "It's not a course, it's a program..." - he interrupted
– “Whatever” – she continued – “The fact is that you got it as a gift. Take this card and call to schedule. Then tell me everything, I want to see you happy again, fighting for the things you believe in. I can't stand to see you in this doldrums anymore. And now let's order our lunch because I still have to go back to the office today.”
- "Me too." – he said while ordering from the waiter.
Disabling Self-Sabotage Codes
The secret to defeating the Elegant Lady called self-sabotage is to weaken her 10 children, the Internal Saboteurs who present themselves as our friends while acting silently inside us, destroying our dreams and stealing our Vital Energy, as happened with Evandro.
These 10 brothers have a leader we can call our INNER CRITIC. He is the most popular of them all, is always present and never acts alone.
He loves flaws. If you are kidnapped by your INNER CRITIC, you will live finding fault in yourself, in others and in the circumstances around you.
It feeds off of anxiety, stress, anger, disappointment, shame and guilt.
It can easily be confused with the voice of reason. Be careful, because he will try to convince you with the lies he uses to destroy your ability to fulfill your dreams.
The main role of the INNER CRITIC it's supporting one or two of your brothers who stand out from the rest. This highlight is different for each person.
In the case of Evandro, the highlight was for one of the brothers of the CRITIC known as PRESTITIVO. This is one of the Inner Saboteurs that I find very dangerous because he easily gets confused with a friend.
The fact is, being helpful isn't a bad thing, because you do special things to please people, like compliments or small favors. And this can be good. But it becomes a saboteur when you do it for the wrong reasons. The person who is kidnapped by the HELPFUL SABOTEUR does these things to constantly gain acceptance and affection.
Feeding the HELPFUL SABOTEUR triggers two major dangers:
1Âş) You can lose sight of your own needs and end up resenting it when people don't recognize your efforts to please them.
2Âş) You run the risk of encouraging others to become overly dependent on you. This is not healthy for you or for the other people involved.
When Evandro rescued the gift he received from his family, he learned to detect his internal saboteurs and returned to taking care of the realization of his dreams.
Now he knew exactly who he would have to fight to defend his happiness.
He also learned, in practice, how to prevent self-sabotage from destroying his dreams again. After getting to know each other deeply, Evandro discovered the exact difference between being a HELPFUL PERSON and BEING KIDDED BY THE HELPFUL SABOTEUR. Now Evandro knows how to identify and preserve his limits.
Stop feeding your Inner Saboteurs negative feelings, then they will weaken.By weakening your internal enemies, the next step will be to invest in deep knowledge about the most important person in your life, that is, YOURSELF.
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