Unconsciously or not, people tend to reproduce in their adult relationships the educational and affective models they had at the beginning of their lives with their parents and/or caregivers. In relation to women, many of the well-known postpartum depressions can appear without warning and, among other variables, it can be the re-edition of the mother's feelings towards them and what they themselves felt in this early life. They are perceptions, feelings and bodily sensations that arise even before the thought is formed, which talk about the absence of the mother's presence, about feelings of abandonment and helplessness. This is likely to occur even when mothers or other caregivers were technically present, but emotionally absent, and can be repeated both by the mother towards the baby and by the mother towards herself.
It's very difficult to reproduce the lack of what you didn't have, especially when there are no cognitive memories about it. On the other hand, attitudes of affection, of inauguration of a sufficiently safe environment promoting emotional anchoring in the baby, when they occur in the beginning of the parents' life, are naturally repeated with the children.
The truth, however, is not that simple to explain, the base could even contain this exactness, but there are infinite other variables that influence parents' attitudes towards their children that are independent of how the mother, father and/or caregiver treated them.
Feelings of rejection and worthlessness from parents, for example, can go the opposite way in children when they are overvalued so that this emotional plot can be repaired unconsciously. On the other hand, parents with the same feelings of worthlessness, or who have been very jealous of their siblings, or who have had some other unqualified and unwelcome feeling, can project all this amount without any elaboration on the new child who is born serving as a model. for How can she position herself in front of the world?.
In general, parents' beliefs and attitudes will also serve as an example and future model, but not always.
In the middle of the 21st century, for example, a sexist mother, who thinks that men are the best and strongest and that there is more room for them in the world than for women, even making a difference in the treatment of children of different genders, can even “teach” the girl that men are more valuable, but the reality these days will hardly make this type of model updated. From an early age, it will provoke a clash of values, in which the female daughter will certainly have space to question the meanings between what she learned as a model and what she will find ahead, and it may even be a point of strong impact on her perception and attitude towards life.
Another point to be mentioned concerns the mother's self-esteem, which can be decisive in the daughter's future relationships. Many to oppose it go the way of the anti-model offered and end up investing heavily in their own self-esteem, others are contaminated by the impregnated climate of worthlessness, making it difficult to deal in relationships.
Many mothers, especially those with a more narcissistic tendency, cannot bear to see time pass and have great difficulty in handing the baton of female continuity to their own daughters, making the healthy development of their affective relationships very difficult. They can also greatly influence their daughters' love choices, even if unconsciously, when they want them to marry those princes enchanted that only exist in the world of fiction.
When women become more aware and realize that they reproduce in their life together, with their children and in other areas of relationships, the attitudes they criticized in their mothers and still cannot stop repeating them, it is because they are highly conditioned to these patterns. . They are also perpetuated because, in an unconscious way, they maintain a kind of emotional loyalty of the historical bond of the female family. Other unconscious issues can also be part of this scenario.
For those who feel trapped in this cycle without being able to free themselves from these repetitive emotional attributions that often appear meaningless, but that do not have enough strength to change, the best and fastest way I know and apply in my office is reprocessing psychotherapies. brain in EMDR and Brainpotting; through them, people are able to definitively deprogram themselves from patterns that affect them in a negative way, still illuminating natural resources, creating new and healthier neural networks of responses to life that have much more to do with what one wants, with what is good for you and with what offers real meaning to life.
The more awake, the better!
You may be interested in another article by this author. Access: Find out if you have been a victim of emotional incest and learn how not to perpetuate this pattern
