How is your self-esteem? Did you know that how much we like and value each other has a lot to do with the way we were treated by our parents and/or very close and important people in our childhood?
It all starts with the parents. If they treat their children as special, beautiful, intelligent, and loving human beings, those children's self-image will be positive and healthy. If they hug, kiss and speak loving words, the child begins to feel how dear and special he is. And she likes herself more and more. She thinks, “I'm important! I'm special! I like myself! My parents like me! Everyone likes me!” Her personality is formed by the quality and quantity of love she receives. The child begins to relate and interact with other people as if he were popular and appreciated. Her self-image is positive and she feels very well loved.
The opposite is also true. If the child is treated with indifference and contempt, he will have low self-esteem and difficulties in relating in life.
This is due to one of the worst things parents can do to their children: destructive criticism. And, look how easy it is, parents usually come home from work tired and then start the ritual: Who did this? Why is this played here? Turn the TV volume down! Why didn't they do the task?
Instead of initiating this contact with a kiss and a hug, a “Hi, how are you? How was your day? I missed you!”… And the result of all this is that children learn this negative habit that lasts a lifetime.
Every child is born fearless and brave. As they grow and curiosity increases, they mess with everything, discovering new skills and putting them into practice and consequently making mischief. But in fact, they are discovering a sea of possibilities. And then they start to hear from their parents: Don't mess around! Get out! Want to fall? And so on… They go on thinking that every time they try something new, their parents punish and criticize them. So, in their minds, they think it's best to avoid new things so as not to create problems. So they begin to develop the fear of failure and carry it into adulthood.
Another fear is rejection, where parents threaten to “take away” love if children do things they disapprove of. “If you do this, you will be grounded. If you do that, I will be angry” and so on. The child begins to lose his natural spontaneity and think: “I better do what my parents want and nothing bad will happen to me”. And so the child begins to be sensitive to other people's opinions and what those people want, feel and expect and the result is to live to please others. Know anyone like that?
Our self-image is made up of 3 parts. the first part is “how do you see yourself”, the second part is “how do you think others see you” and the third part is “how people actually see you”.
In childhood, children are influenced by people they respect and value and that makes all the difference to them. And since parents are the main reference most of the time, it's important that they give you love, praise and value them. These simple attitudes will make the child's self-image increasingly positive and will consequently be reflected in their relationship with other people.
Now, if the child had negative relationships during his childhood, with family, friends or relatives, his self-confidence will be shaken as well as the way he relates to the other.
The more positive the self-image, the stronger the person remains regardless of the environment in which they live.
Generally, parents don't make mistakes because they want to. They repeat behaviors they learned from their parents that they subsequently learned from their grandparents. I believe that everyone does their best according to the knowledge they have so far. The problem is the lack of knowledge. They fight, punish emotionally and physically so that the children end up doing everything to get out of this situation, causing deep trauma.
So, never deprive your child of love. The biggest trauma that can happen to a person is being deprived of love in childhood. Psychologists say that almost all problems in adults are due to a lack of love in childhood. And, this lack of love can happen because of the parents' lack of interest or because they were also deprived of love. How can someone give or teach about a feeling they don't know? Then watch your behavior. See what love is and how to develop it even more in your life.
Of course, we can talk about this for a long time because this subject is very important. But if you want your child to grow up with confidence and self-esteem, give sincere praise whenever you have the opportunity, give feedback with a focus on the future (example: When this happens again, why don't you do it?), no criticism! Acquire new patterns of positive habits. Help your child to associate his goals and ideas with thoughts of pleasure and success and ask him to always repeat empowering phrases such as: “I like myself! I can! I can do it!” until it becomes an absolute truth.
Happy child, singing adult!
