Do you know the feeling of fulfilling a duty, accomplishing something difficult, buying a new thing, attending a party, giving a real tight hug, doing something you enjoy? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but this feeling is just a passing joy. Happiness, in fact, is a state of mind that resides in all moments of life, whether good or bad. Happiness can also be described as contentment, a state of mind we are in when we feel that everything is going well, regardless of our judgment about what happens in our lives.
At the beginning of November, I participated in the International Congress of Happiness and there I learned that true happiness is not a passing feeling, it is not merely a good feeling that passes. And, to be happy most of the time, or all the time, we shouldn't always wait for rewards, as if being happy were a reward for something, and that passes, so we should always be fulfilling tasks or doing things that, back in the day. end, give us a pleasant feeling.
I don't mean that, to be happy, nothing should be done. Happiness is your nature, it's intrinsic to you, and we all have a birthright to be happy. But to find that essence inside, some things need to be done on a daily basis, always repeated and improved, without forgetting that during the process there is an always subtle feeling that we are walking in this direction and each step is happy.
But then, what are the steps to be happy?
Nor do I say that they are steps, because all the behaviors or thoughts that one must cultivate and propagate through life are done together and not one after the other.
Within the congress, we attended many lectures by people who have had experiences with happiness, working with other people and who have passed on a huge amount of knowledge. I'll tell you what I can summarize about what I learned:
Learn to be human. This is the first and most important step. Because in order to be happy, you also have to learn to feel all other feelings, as they all go through the same channel. So if when you feel angry, you repress it, you are repressing all the other feelings that you may experience more. We need to learn to feel anger, sadness, envy, fear, jealousy, etc. To let them flow and pass, for learning to deal with feelings has nothing to do with reacting to others and increasing the discomfort they cause. Within this point I emphasize
be vulnerable. Learning to be vulnerable is essential for happiness. Knowing that there are things that you don't like about yourself and putting it out without shame. And then listening to what you said, receiving support from others, taking the judgment.
welcome. You know a mother taking care of a baby? This is how you should be with those parts of you that you don't like: compassionate, loving, welcoming. I heard a story that illustrates this in one of the TED talks (it's called Emotional Hygiene, it's worth watching). The story goes like this: a woman gets divorced after 20 years of marriage. It was a difficult time to pull myself together and pick up the pieces again. After a while, she feels good again and sets out to find a boyfriend. She signs up on a dating site and finds the perfect match! They arrange to go out and meet for dinner. After 10 minutes together, the man gets up and says he doesn't want to continue anymore and leaves. She feels bad and calls a friend the next day. Her friend tells her: of course he wanted to leave, look at the size of your huge hips, look at the wrinkles in your eyes, look at the color of your hair... after 20 years of marriage, of course you wouldn't go out with the man of your dreams. What a friend, huh? It turns out that, in fact, this friend was her own inner voice telling her all these things. How many times have you not done this to yourself? How about becoming your best friend and saying nice things when things don't work out?
It has been scientifically proven over and over again that, to be happy, you have to move your body. Currently, 30 minutes, 3 times a week, is said to have its effect, but of course it could be longer. Having a regularity to move your body and release endorphin and serotonin is very good! It could even be walking more every day, carrying shopping bags, climbing stairs instead of taking the elevator. Small things in everyday life that add up to 30 minutes. Get moving, get more oxygen to your brain, get the energy going!
- Is it possible to be happy all the time?
- Is there a secret to being happy?
- Discover the vision of important philosophers on happiness
- Recognize that happiness is relative to each person
- Find out how we can achieve happiness
Resilience. This is the ability to get up every time you fall, learn from your mistakes, let yourself be wrong and try again. There is no feeling of defeat, that it is over. It's falling 7 times and getting up 8. Being resilient can be learned and it's super important for life, it's understanding that everything happens so that you learn and become better at what you want to do. It is part of the path of finding and becoming authentic, of getting to know yourself better and of finding and following your life purpose. In fact, finding and trusting to follow this purpose is a very important ingredient in the achievement of happiness and involves learning to be human, welcoming who you are and being your own reference.
Simplify your life! Quality is much better than quantity. Doing less gives much more positive result than doing a lot of things at once. Your attention should be directed to doing one thing well, at a time, with concentration. It is one of the first things we reap as a benefit from meditation practice. A good example is: when you work on the computer and leave your email open, or Facebook, the loss of intellectual capacity, the IQ, drops by 10 points. To have a comparison: it's the same as being lost going 24 hours without sleep. Anyone who smokes a marijuana cigarette loses 4 IQ points. In other words, multitasking makes you mentally slower than smoking weed! In addition, simplifying involves less consumerism, less garbage, less mental, sensory stimulation (TV on and eating at the same time, or studying listening to music, and so on…)
On the internet wave, everyone spends a lot of time on social media thinking they are interacting with people, but nothing replaces a live relationship. Having real friends, even if only a few, has a much more positive effect on your life than countless virtual friends. Donate your time, your attention and your affection to real friends!
Gratitude! Thank you always, every day. Giving thanks enhances what you have, what you've done and everything else. It values ​​everything. And multiply what you are grateful for. Make a diary, every day before bed, write down why you are grateful for what happened in your day. Another beautiful thing is, once a month, write a letter of gratitude to a loved one. This will spread joy everywhere. And the more happy people in the world, the more happy people there will be, multiplying.
These are strategies to be happy, nothing too difficult, right? You can start doing it today, a little each day, until it becomes a habit, and being happy becomes a habit, too!
To put all this into practice, it is very important to develop the habit of looking within and always finding that infinite source of happiness that is there within you. Even if it is 1 minute a day of silence and introspection, this will help you to follow this path, it is in this silence that vulnerability and acceptance arise, the directions to follow the purpose, the moment to know who you are and follow the path confidently, despite the rocks and falls.
And remember: happiness happens here and now, because this is the only time there is!
