Grieving Grandparents: Learning to Say Goodbye 🆙

Dealing with the death of one of the grandparents is a very difficult task that, although we know that this is very likely to be our first experience with the loss of a family member, it can be very difficult to accept. The cycle of life is very clear: the elderly tend to leave earlier. But as much as our conscious mind is aware of this fact, when we actually lose one of these loved ones, we feel as if we have lost ground. From there, the process of grieving for grandparents begins.

Of course, the pain of a heart that is experiencing this grief will not disappear with some magic, but there are some things that can be done to learn to deal with feelings at this time. If you have been or are grieving for grandparents, understand a little more about this set of reactions and here are some tips to nurture your chest. Before we give you the tips, think a little bit about what this moment can be.

I fight for grandpa

Grandparents are those strong and often funny guys. For many, they are a strong presence of a father figure who is incredibly respected. Losing a grandparent can make you feel tight in your chest, with a constant longing, and it can make you feel the suffering of your other family members as well.

It may seem a little cliché, but in this moment of mourning, you have to understand that the cycle of life is like that. Grandparents have been through what you are going through now, they have also lost their loved ones one day and dealt with everything in some way to move on. Memories stay and love will always remain in your chest! You will always have the chance to honor the memory of this little man who was so important in your life.

Grieving for grandparents is a set of diverse reactions and has many forms of expression. If you feel a little more withdrawn now, give it time. Don't strive to look strong, it's okay to not be okay. Always keep in mind the strength your grandpa had on earth and try to mix nostalgia with all the good he did in life.

You don't have to go through this alone!

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I fight for grandma

We all know that grandmothers are considered second mothers and have a great influence on the upbringing of grandchildren. The absence of this maternal figure is very painful, not that the grandparents are not, but it is common to have a stronger connection in this case. They are the most sensitive women who often end up spoiling their grandchildren and marking everyone's lives.

Losing a grandmother is like losing a little piece of yourself, but we keep the previous cliché: this is the cycle of life and there are ways that can help you deal with this whole set of feelings and sensations that is grief. See some tips:

1. Fully feel your emotions

Running away from the pain won't make it go away from your chest. At that moment, you have to feel all the feelings to the fullest, not hold back anything! There is no right or wrong in grieving for grandparents, nor is there a specific time when you are allowed to feel that pain. Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to go through it fully. So time will bring relief and make you feel better.

Note: in some cases, it may be more difficult to accept the loss. Adults should express what they feel and explain to younger ones that it's normal to be sad. Nobody needs to look strong!

2. Respect your time

Don't take into account people who say there is an acceptable time to grieve. Each being is a being and each one goes through this moment in a way: some take a little time to move on, while others need a longer time to recover. You don't have to feel weak or down if you realize you need a long time to deal with the loss. The key is that you take the time to process everything you feel, instead of repressing your feelings and pretending that everything is fine.

It's worth emphasizing that "moving on" doesn't mean you've forgotten your grandparents or aren't saddened by the loss. If by chance your grief for grandparents has lasted many months or even years, it is recommended to seek professional help to analyze the situation and try to understand what is missing so that this pain is relieved from your being.

Grieving Grandparents: Learning to Say Goodbye — Image of Mike Flynn by Pixabay

3. Release your emotions

Cry, scream, be angry, and do whatever it takes to release the feelings that make you feel trapped and tight. This is not the time to hold back tears, because if you do, it will be much more difficult to face the situation. It's normal to have a certain fear when expressing yourself, especially if there is someone in your life who also needs support. But you must release everything you feel, whether with a more understanding family member, with a friend and also alone.

Making time to cry can be a relieving action, but if you're one of those people who have trouble crying, don't feel confused or guilty. Remember that everyone has their own way of dealing with situations and that we are all different. If you are in no way able to share this pain with someone, write a journal about your days. Register your feelings in an organized way, it can help you!

4. Remember what you learned from them

Take time to understand all the thoughts that permeate your grandparents' death. If you think it's valid, write them on a paper so you can observe them from the outside. Remember the good memories that marked your life and if possible, share stories with other people who also lived with the grandpa or grandma you lost and understand your grief. It is possible to take comfort even as tears fall, knowing that this loved one's passage on earth was full of experiences and love.

5. Spend time with your family

Grieving for grandparents can be intensified if you walk away from it all. In this situation, you have to remember that you are surrounded by people who have also lost someone important. You can have your alone time, but try to fight the urge to isolate yourself or appear strong and seek comfort and lap in those who, like you, suffer. Even in this pain, allow yourself to feel loved by those who stay here and remember: you don't have to pretend everything is okay!

6. Understand death

Don't hesitate to ask questions to get a clearer understanding of your grandmother's or grandfather's death. Understanding that suffering used to be part of their lives and is no longer part of it can be of great help towards greater acceptance. But keep in mind that the ability to understand greatly depends on an individual's age. If you say, "Grandpa has gone to sleep" to a child, he will understand that the same thing can happen when he goes to sleep. It must be emphasized that no one was to blame for the death of the grandparents, not the parents, nor the children or grandchildren, because, at times, younger children may think that grandpa or grandma died because they did not visit frequently.

7. If you are religious, turn to faith

Based on your belief, look for quotes or verses that reinforce that things will get better over time. Be present at spirited events, share your grief and grief for grandparents, don't be shy about asking for help and advice. Connect with people who do you good!

Some studies reveal that those with beliefs cope better with grief than others. But, if you don't believe in anything, there are some rituals that can provide some kind of comfort, like visiting the grandparents' grave or even keeping some of their things with affection.

8. Be aware of your triggers

You need to know that at certain times of the year or in some specific places it will be more difficult to deal with the absence of grandparents – and this is normal. Certain situations bring up a lot of memories and this can make you feel even a certain weight. Try to avoid the places you used to go with your grandparents, at least at first, until you're ready to face those situations again. Holidays such as Christmas or New Years can be more difficult as they are times when families come together and this is a trigger for you to associate this time with grandpa and grandma.

Try to find out what your triggers are and avoid them! If necessary, look for a little extra help if you find it very difficult to avoid certain situations. But being prudent in this moment of mourning doesn't mean you should put everything you used to do, you just need some time to get more stable!

9. Don't forget about yourself

In times of grieving for grandparents, it is very likely that you end up neglecting yourself without even realizing it. Should you cry? Sure! As has been said before, you should not keep anything inside yourself, but expose your feelings to the fullest. You also need to get out of bed and get some fresh air. Take care of your food, don't go without eating! If possible, practice some physical activity, make an effort to keep your health up to date. If you find you can't get out of your room, ask a friend to encourage you in the most difficult times. Take a relaxing bath and know that you don't have to go through this alone!

10. It's not wrong to smile again

Much of society thinks that doing anything other than crying during a grieving phase is disrespectful. If you feel like laughing, hanging out with your friends, or even telling a simple joke, don't blame yourself! You're free to do whatever you want and your grandparents would be happy to see you're not stuck inside a room in pain. The process of grieving for grandparents is extremely difficult and you should cherish the moments when you feel like doing something different.

Special Tips:

– If you think you can't study or work right away, try to stay home. It is normal to need some time to recover.

– Mourning grandparents doesn't mean weakness, but that you had a strong and important relationship with them. Sadness and nervousness are part of the process! Respect your feelings at this time!

– If you feel that you are overly anxious or angry, talk to someone you trust. A simple dialogue can help you!

– Be very careful when telling a child that someone has died because of age. Don't just say that the grandparents died because they were old, because then they will fear losing the other elderly people who are part of their lives.