What is the meaning of the word family? A family is understood as a group of people living in the same house and with a common ancestry.
In this simple definition, we begin to realize that “living in the same house” has a certain time in different cultures. Spanish families, for the most part, want their children under the same roof for as long as possible. In American families, children usually leave home between the ages of 16 and 18.
Exactly at this point, we can begin our reflection. Do families that want their children to live together longer, “kangaroo family”, referring to the pups that live in their mother's pouch, love their children more than those that allow them to leave the house earlier?
When I ask this, the first thing that comes to my mind is: “who am I to judge”? Every family knows what works best at its core. However, it is important to emphasize that love is not related to the fact that a child lives with the family or alone. Love is related to the fact that we allow the other to be free and responsible for their choices., as well as the fact that we are available for times of need. It is important to see in the other an individuality that seeks to improve, to understand that each being is unique and that evolution is individual, but that everything around us is an important tool for this evolution. Including the family, because it is not ours, in the possessive sense of the word.
The fact that we become exaggeratedly attached to our family members can generate great internal imbalances, and insecurity is one of these problems. Often, parents end up solving and meeting the needs of their children, sometimes even before the need arises, and this eliminates any attempt at emotional maturation. This overprotection ends up generating a low tolerance for frustration, delaying the evolutionary process.
It is important to think that each of us has time to do things and learning from our own experiences is quite effective. The most successful family relationships involve trust, security, well-being, respect for differences. Feeling "owner" of the best choices for the other, indicates control and superiority, and can generate insecurity and inferiority in the other. Children who have been brought up in this way are hardly able to make decisions in adulthood, for the simple fact that they have not yet become adults. It is necessary to remember that life demands certain postures and the more freed we are, the easier we will respond to all the demands of life.
Therefore, exaggerated care and excessive attention are not synonymous with love. Balance and the middle path become the best choices. Family detachment is a sign of respect and true love. Allowing each one to make their own choices and not expecting children to fulfill the expectations created by their parents is a sign of love.
I close with a quote from the book “Love is also learned”:
“Children who follow their choices will always return to their parents and be grateful for everything they received from them. The two greatest gifts we can give our children are ethical roots and wings of freedom.”
