Currently, “affective responsibility” is an expression that has become central in conversations about relationships and the way people treat each other in the modern relationships that are established. Let's explore this concept more, but it is basically being careful with each other and relating in a true way.
The problem is that the main discussions about affective responsibility that we see today on social media and in conversations out there talk about having affective responsibility with the other. But how is your affective responsibility with yourself? Before moving on to this, let's understand exactly what this affective responsibility is.
What is affective responsibility?
This is a modern term, without an exact definition, but when we talk about affective responsibility, we are inevitably talking about empathy. Do you enjoy being hurt, deceived or hurt by someone else? Of course not? Having affective responsibility is knowing that you can end up hurting, deceiving or hurting the other, and taking care that this does not happen.
Having affective responsibility is to relate in a true way, always being sincere about your desires and intentions, avoiding deceiving, deluding and causing discomfort to the person. It is, in short, being willing to relate in depth, not fearing the sensitivity of the other and one's own fragility.
It is, among many other things, to have active listening, to ask for forgiveness, to always be honest, not to shy away, not to remain silent even though you know that someone expects an answer from you. It is, finally, taking care of the other with the same delicacy and the same attention with which you would like to be treated.
Do you have affective responsibility with you?
If affective responsibility concerns affective relationships, it is possible to talk about affective irresponsibility when we talk about our relationship with others. ourselves? Of course I do! After all, we spend most of our lives relating to… ourselves! We are our most faithful companions and we engage in endless dialogue with ourselves.
To know if you treat yourself with affective responsibility, we can compare your relationship with yourself to toxic behaviors in romantic relationships, to understand if you are toxic with yourself. We will see?
1 – Do you feel frustrated?
Frustration is one of the most common feelings when we talk about affective irresponsibility, because expectations are created whenever we relate to someone, expectations that often end up frustrated when that person doesn't deliver what we were expecting.
And you, have you delivered what you expect of yourself? Of course, a lot doesn't just depend on you. But as far as it depends, have you responded or have you just been frustrated?
2 – Do you reward yourself?
Isn't it bad when we go into hundreds of little pieces to help someone or, worse, to please a person, but we don't even get a "thank you" as thanks or are even mistreated, even though we've done so much?
Now think of yourself: you have rewarded yourself for the efforts you have been making to build a better life, live more happily or find meaning in your life?
3 – Do you hear yourself?
Lack of communication or communication problems are the end point for many (possible) couples who lose the ability to dialogue and end up not listening to each other anymore and not respecting the other's voice.
Have you been listening? Have you done what makes sense to you? Or have you been striving only to do what will please the other? Have you been listening to your intuition and striving to follow the path that you feel makes sense for you? If not, you are being irresponsible to yourself.
4 – Do you respect your “no”?
Is there anything worse than pushy people who don't accept that we don't want something and get on our feet, practically begging us to do what's being asked? Yeah, there's probably nothing worse than saying "no" and not having it respected.
And this can also be very bad in your relationship with yourself. When you know very well that you don't want a certain thing/person/situation, but even so, ignore yourself and go there to do exactly what you know you don't want, you are being very irresponsible emotionally.
5 – Do you forgive yourself?
Having a problem thrown in your face is one of the reasons that most relationships fail, because it stimulates feelings like guilt. The best thing to do when there is a mistake in a relationship is to talk with forgiveness and love, leaving that mistake behind. If this is not possible, the way is to end the relationship, but without living immersed in guilt.
How many times have you made mistakes and spent a long time blaming yourself, beating yourself up and putting yourself down for it? Forgiveness is essential in any relationship. especially with yourself, because you are your most present company. So forgiving yourself and moving on leaving mistakes behind is essential.
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Having affective responsibility with the other is essential to build healthier relationships. But having this harmonious relationship with yourself is even more fundamental. Because, how is it possible to love the other if we don't treat each other as well as we deserve? Take care of your relationship with yourself to live with more balance!
