In the same way that society woke up to validate the drama of many women who suffer all kinds of abuse, many men today feel in the midst of enormous difficulties to expose their problems, since they are also going through the bitter experience of being victims of abusive women. These, more than ever, need space to be heard.
Not infrequently I have received in my office fragile and emotionally disturbed men, victims of emotional abuse, even though they themselves did not suspect that they could be going through it. Many arrive depressed, confused and guilty, asking for help to understand and better deal with the dynamics of the affective relationships in which they are involved.
They reveal that they live under constant threats and in the midst of criticism that is often quite ostensible. Some say that the clothes they wear, in the eyes of their partners, are never appropriate or that they receive a comment of disdain or ironic appreciation. It also seems that the way they express themselves is never good and, because of excessive criticism, many feel restricted in the freedom they could have to live more with their families of origin or with friends.
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Most of those who arrive here are quite lost and don't know what else to do to please, since practically everything they have done to appease their moods ends up having the opposite effect: continuous dissatisfaction and more criticism.
In addition to all this amount, there is an obsession with knowing where the companion is and absolutely all the schedules are monitored under threat of angry outbursts if there is any delay or deviation from the route; virtually all conversations are monitored; any move that, for them, suggests some sort of slip up easily alters the mood of the relationship.
I have an example of patients who were forced to not go to their own birthday party because their wife made him hell because she thought he would have to share attention with others and wouldn't give her enough attention. The girl in question created such a terrible argument that, in the end, they both didn't go to the party and ended up leaving alone. He, with no healthy emotional outlet for himself, went over his own feelings and everything that could be viable, failing to meet family and friends on his own birthday. On that occasion, he confessed that confronting her would be the worst of all worlds, because he didn't even want to imagine the consequences.
In other situations, protected by the Maria da Penha law, companions do not hesitate to physically advance on their companions, knowing that retaliation will be practically impossible to occur.
Men who go through this kind of suffering are not weaker than most and it would not be fair to have any kind of disbelief about their stories or even some pejorative name that they may receive.
The abuse of women towards men often catches them off guard emotionally, putting them in situations unimaginable to those on the outside. Even when they wake up, recognizing that they are living in toxic relationships, there is still a lot of difficulty until they get rid of such dramas.
The more awake, the better!
