Change is needed! More than ever we are hearing this phrase and living in a time that asks us to change. But what can change mean? What does that word mean when we turn it into an act?!
In a quick Google search, we found as meanings of change: change from one place to another, transformation resulting from certain phenomena and modification of the state of something. These three meanings express a lot of what I intend to convey with this text.
And let's start by asking ourselves what place we occupy in the relationships we live with other people β are we the one who judges? The one who does everything for the other and forgets about herself? Or the one who knows everything and has all the solutions to other people's problems? Are we the most suffered and who have the most troubles in life? Or the one who is always well, happy and takes away what happens to us? Who are we when we relate to other people? When we ask ourselves this question, we can have a brief glimpse of the place we occupy in the daily life of the relationships we live.
When we observe ourselves with courage, we discover important things about ourselves, we are surprised by feelings and actions that go unnoticed in the day-to-day rush and, faced with these discoveries, it is up to us to choose between stopping looking and following from the same place we always occupy or opening eyes well and see, question, welcome, and then transform. transform us!
But transforming is not easy, it's not fast and it's a lot of work! And why is it so difficult to transform?
For some reasons that are common to all, such as the culture in which we live and internalize since we were born with standards, dogmas and requirements that guide our actions. And others more unique like our family network with its own beliefs, stories, traumas, webs and repetitions that often unconsciously guide us.
Change is also difficult because we are used to living at a certain pace, with certain expectations, in a certain environment β ββin short, we live in a square in which everything has its way of functioning and nothing can come out of this modus-operandi.
Change is difficult, because we get used to responding to the demands of others, feeling what they expect us to feel, saying what they expect to hear, going to the places everyone frequents, listening and reading what appears on the bestseller lists. We get used to silencing our emotions, our wants and our own rhythm and we become foreigners in ourselves.
For these reasons that I have described and many others specific to each of us, we have come to believe that by responding from what we imagine others want, we will be happy, fulfilled and belonging. Just not! Instead, we are increasingly alone, sicker socially, physically, emotionally and mentally.
But it is curious that, even in the face of so much suffering, change is something that is not part of our plans and projects, why? In addition to everything I mentioned above, there is an illusion that we are in control, that we know what to do and what will happen in our days. There is a certain predictability in the actions and reactions of family members, bosses, friends and co-workers and this gives us a sense of security, of walking in a familiar field. And when we think about changing something, no matter how small the change, it affects these relationships, it takes away this predictability because we will be acting differently and consequently this will lead to a change in the other's actions. How are we going to deal with what we don't know, we're not used to?
The illusion of control prevents us from changing! But control is an illusion and death is one of the events that reminds us of that, motherhood too, and if we look in memory we will find several everyday events that show us that. Traffic accidents, rain that comes out of nowhere, people being late, a postponed meeting, in short, if we notice, a lot happens every day to show us that we have NO CONTROL.
Changing, transforming, modifying calls for movement and trust in the unknown. Confidence in what one is precisely when we live so far from ourselves. Confidence in our ability to respond from elsewhere and feel good.
Changing, transforming, modifying requires courage to look at ourselves and recognize what pleases us, makes us happy, saddens us, distances us from our being. It's leaving the playlist we listen to aside and listening to new sounds, opening up to new lyrics and rhythms. It's looking at the bookshelf and realizing which books are there, which haven't been read yet, and wondering why you bought them and didn't read them? Perhaps, this tells you about impulse purchases or internal purchases, driven by something that is familiar to you and precisely because of that it was left there on the shelf β read these books, open your literary horizon and don't be afraid to fall in love with new things.
Changing, transforming and modifying calls for strength to swim against the known tide and overcome the surf. And for this force to have support, it is necessary to have faith in the mystery that is life, it is necessary to know and feel that there is something imponderable and invisible that guides us and that guides the entire universe in which we live. It is necessary to dive into the ocean with all our shadow and light so that we can know ourselves as good company for ourselves. From this dive, it will be possible to walk at our own pace and perceive from time to time the invitations we receive from life to enter new streets, meet new people and thus transform our changes into something lighter, continuous and loving.
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Change, take care of yourself, discover yourself and especially fall in love with yourself, because then it will be possible to transform that passion into love and that love for yourself into love for all humanity. Then the greatest sense of belonging will take care of you, you will take care of the planet and so many other changes in your lifestyle will flow naturally.
Move and take care!
