I have heard this phrase since childhood. There were times when I used it to become an extremely action-oriented and results-oriented human being. And honestly, it was a phase I don't wish on anyone. Not the way I lived it.
I learned a lot, for sure. But I learned a lot more about what not to do and especially what that perfect thing is.
Curious how a simple sentence can be something that leads you to consistency in your path or the opposite of that.
I was really, really, really productive! Today I am 38 years old and, for the first time in my life, I took my foot off the accelerator to understand what my time actually is, and not the time considered to be the top of the collective's galaxies. Levels of perfection still under review.
Well, divine creature, it was a childhood in which I already knew how to read and write before I was 5 years old. A adolescence where, if they let me, I'd do the whole class's science projects. There was a phase in which I trained swimming, volleyball and cycling everywhere. In my first college, I didn't even have a notebook, but I never accepted grades below an 8, and cheating wasn't exactly an option for me. I finished this degree with a guaranteed master's degree, a dream object of many microbiologists. But I just did my duty!
In second college, I just didn't get into more projects because it wasn't possible. After graduating, there were five postgraduate courses in seven years, including a master's degree. Detail: for higher education courses, I only studied in public institutions. In the midst of my actions without limit of perfection, I had an overtraining, because I pedaled and trained every single day! And my level of dissatisfaction only grew. Because I only did postgraduate work, worked 13 hours a day, three days a week as a personal, took care of the house, shopping and maintained a relationship? There should already be x, y and z more structured situations!
How, how did I just do that? Ironic phrase, okay?
Oh! In the midst of that, I also got married and unmarried (laughs). I have not had children so far. And I used work and study as proof to the world of how important constant motion is.
Living with me was highly irritating. Some say it still is. But this is opposition intrigue. The point is that, for me, it was not just a matter of doing and acting, but of being perfect according to my ruler, and not the other's.
And since I grew up hearing that I could always do better, imagine what a satisfying level is for me.
This generated a huge hole of dissatisfaction inside me, because everything I did could be better and was considered little or nothing less than my obligation, since I had already proposed to do it.
As if that were not enough, I sought to be part of groups also focused on this proactivity. That was very valid, but remember how I said earlier that I don't wish it on anyone?
Being in hyperperformance put me in a counterpoint of really feeling what was coherent for me and what was just an obligation for the purpose of “better done than perfect”.
And here comes why I don't wish for anyone the way I did, because I stopped feeling! I stopped feeling myself. I stopped living my life according to what would be my most genuine choices to sustain and prove to the world that everything, exactly everything, is possible if you propose to it.
See, indeed it is. But what's the price of it?
Well, I treated many people as mere projects to be solved, both patients and people of my personal contact.
Stifling my feeling made me put myself in increasingly extreme situations for EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING! Remember overtraining? Do you think I stopped? Of course not! This caused me to have a muscle tear in the thigh during a simple stretch, as my pain threshold (ability to feel) was totally altered.
In intimate relationships with my partner, even the ability to feel pleasure and reach orgasm was altered. The pleasure existed, but reaching the climax of it became an almost impossible mission. Imagine how frustrating this was for both me and my partner!
And so dissatisfaction only increased, in equal proportion to being more proactive. You remember the groups, right? So, if I didn't achieve the desired result, it was because I hadn't done everything yet and I was probably sabotaging myself on some level.
Our! How I learned! And how highly incoherent that sounds to me today.
Definitely this maxim, which was once true for me, today is a reason for me to laugh nervously.
Today I understand that it is not frantic “go, go, go”. It is not quantity, nor constancy, nor even less perfection or imperfection.
As long as action is not in resonance with genuine feeling, it will be just actions.
You see, I'm not proposing procrastination, but a self-analysis of your actions and an analysis of how much these are aligned with your truth, with your time and with your perception of perfection.
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I will continue to be a supporter of the movement, as it brings us, in the most varied ways, the awareness of life. But movement without feeling love, pleasure, lightness and coherence with its essence is just a protocol compliance.
The invitation is for this maxim “better done than perfect” to be part of your life, yes, but in a revised way, in which feeling is the guide so you can trust, do, deliver and let go.
I hope it made sense to you and I would be delighted if you would like to share your insights with me.
a big hug,
Maria de Carvalho.
