Understanding that to relate in a general and simple way is to have friends, flirts, loves and family. It's wanting to be and living with them, wanting to meet them and spend time together talking, telling about yourself and knowing about the other. It's investing time in building bonds and affections!
Having this very simple definition of relating, at what degree do you find yourself?
Having brunch with my husband on a Sunday morning, we heard the following dialogue at the next table, between a little girl about 7 years old and her mother: “daughter, did you like the new cell phone your father gave you?”, “I liked it mother, but what I really want is a dog”, “a dog does not produce a daughter, a cell phone is better.”
As we have three dogs, it was impossible not to talk among ourselves about what we had just heard, but what affected us in this scene and what generated this text was a child's request for a more genuine gift than a cell phone. It was the request for a possibility to relate more, to play in a human way and with something that would interact affectionately with her. And not only, a new cell phone that would give you more of the same – virtual chats, games and solitude.
It is incredible how in the face of so much globalization, so much access to what is far away, we become immensely lonely. It is curious that, faced with the possibility of seeing and talking with friends from the other end of the planet, we do not know our next-door neighbors, we do not have lunch with dear friends and we barely speak with children and companions.
At the same time that I was thrilled with this little girl's request for a dog, I felt sad to realize how impoverished our relationships are and what we are transmitting about living with each other - it's better and easier to relate on the cell phone, after all it's less work , it takes up less time, does not require transfers, does not invite us to give and receive affection and at any time we can simply activate the airplane mode and not know or speak to anyone.
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Whereas being physically and emotionally close to other people affects us greatly. Because they provoke us with their actions and words, they question us about our choices, they irritate us, they tire us and so many other things, because relating is not really easy, but it is human and we are flesh and blood, we are not virtual!
When we run away from something that is so essential to us as humans, like relating to each other, we stagnate in an illusion of being self-sufficient, that the lives of others don't matter for my good living, for my success and my peace. . We then fall into one of the biggest possible mistakes, which is NOT to feel that we belong to the ALL. Which is to believe that our life, our world, our actions, do not affect anything or anyone and vice versa.
We start to live in the world, but we cease to be the world.
When a child tells us he prefers company, because deep down a dog is just that – play, unconditional love, joy on arrival, sad look on departure, licking, non-verbal communication, and therefore, a tremendous exercise in perceiving the other. It's walking on the street, meeting other dogs along the way and socializing, it's having responsibilities with that other one giving food, water, keeping the environment clean, in short, having a dog is a very rich experience in learning to relate. It's learning to deal with old age, illness and the death of a companion, having a dog calls us daily to make time for someone besides ourselves, to look around and take care of the environment.
So when a child tells us he prefers company to a cell phone, it makes me hopeful, because it shows that even in the face of the misery of good affections that we experience, something genuine remains in us – our nature of being and being with the other.
Now, I didn't write this text to make an apology for dogs, or to say that all children and people should have them, in fact I think it's super legitimate for a mother/father to say no to a dog, because there are routines that don't really fit a pet and much better to face it than to have a dog and have him become one more solitary member of that family.
What matters here, at least for me, and I will be immensely happy if you share what matters to you, is the short, definitive answer and without dialogue or possibility of argument that “dogs don't give a daughter, cell phones are better.”
Definitely for a child, playing with another person or animal is better than a cell phone, we have no right to deprive them of what is essential and foundational to us, such as relating to other people. Can't the dog, fine, that's definitely not a problem either. But there are several toy and game options that offer what this little girl asked for – companionship!
I keep my fingers crossed that your desire to live life together is around 8, 9 or 10 because this will indicate that you already know that being with someone else is not easy, but living alone is even more difficult, simply because we are part of the all.
