They arrive changing your life, your world, deconstructing foundations, showing you new horizons, they often throw you into an insane cycle of sleepless nights, crying, fevers, teething, one madness after another.
We need a courage to want to have children in this world, in this country. Courage to stop being the center, to put yourself on the sidelines and realize that at least for a while it is him and not you the focus of all attention.
We need to have flexibility to change the routine, the body, the mood, maybe the job, the plans for the next trip, the house and the car. Flexibility to be carried away by the strength of the winds that blow on a daily basis.
We need listen when our sons or daughters still don't know how to speak, listen to what each cry says, listen to each burp to know that there was no choking. And look, whoever thinks that babies will quickly speak and give a truce to our deciphering listening is wrong. It takes them many years to effectively seize clear language and I take the risk and tease you by saying that maybe that will never happen. Tell me honestly, do you know how to say everything you feel? Do you believe you master the oral language? The art of dialoguing without attacking, without offending, without belittling or comparing? Even today, when we are adults, we don't know how to count, talk about our feelings, fears and loves.
Wow, that look is so hard to offer! Especially in the insanity of the routine, in the rush, the delay, the tantrum, the crying, our despair and theirs. We need to know how to look at ourselves with generosity so that only then, who knows, we can look at them and really see them with eyes that see who they are and what they ask for in each gesture.And then we have the presence, because being next door or in the same house, at the same party, on the same outing is not being together. Presence requires surrender, presence requires giving up your cell phone, tablet, agenda, problems, anything and everything that takes your mind. Presence is sitting, looking, listening, playing and talking together. And our sons/daughters are tireless in this demand. I'm not saying here to alienate us from everything that's going on around us, but I dare say yes, we need to find a few moments during the time we are with them to let it all go so that we can actually be together.
And so follows an immense list of things we need to do and/or be aware of as we take the places of father and mother. That's why I wrote at the beginning that of simple there is nothing in maternity/paternity. But if you read this with that joyful, hopeful and loving look that we need to have towards our offspring, you will have read between the lines that our courage makes us live daily adventures, achievements, full and intense feelings. And that's life! Life happens with each cry/smile, with each step, word and gestures conquered. That courage to be mothers and fathers allows us to see life blossom in our homes and in our minds. It reveals from our eyes the doubt of a mediocre tomorrow because it summons us to daily acts of love and delicacy and there is no insignificant life in the face of it.
So in the face of so much complexity, why not say that deep down, deep down, being a father or a mother is simple? It is enough to be surrendered to the love that this experience will give us.
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