7 things a child learns from a warrior mother

Having children is one of the most important decisions in life. You can't just have them and put them in a box when you get sick like a child does with a toy. An unwanted pregnancy can make parents take out their frustrations on the child, consequently the child will feel that it is a burden on the parents. According to research, unwanted babies are likely to be born premature, sad and have mental illness, because the fetus feels the intonation of the parents' words and emotions. Mothers who have accidentally become pregnant release catecholamines, hormones released during stress. Before ordering a baby, you need to plan millimetrically. Several aspects must be analyzed before increasing the family:

reproductive age

• Before: from 18 to 25 years old;
• Today: from 18 to 35 years old, with the peak from 20 to 29 years old.

More and more women are postponing motherhood. However, the first pregnancy after the age of 35 requires twice as much care. 

To understand better, read this article!

Emotional stability of marriage

Having children must be a common will. Having them save the relationship is a terrible mistake. One partner cannot impose their will on the other. Bringing a child into the world just to share the couple's joy. With this, the two are able to talk openly about having children or not, no one is offended by the other's wishes and there are no attempts to impose them.

Financial stability

Couples go ahead or postpone the dream when they get to this point. They need to analyze their income (salary, earnings and extra income), as the costs to raise a child are very high, according to the National Institute of Sales and Trade Marketing (Invent) it takes R$ 2 million to maintain a child until the age of 23, almost R$ 705 thousand just in education. Classes B and C disburse R$ 95 thousand and R$ 39 thousand respectively. The couple has to make a savings before anything. See the simulation for a couple who wants to get pregnant in a year and a half:

Give up

With the arrival of a child, the couple will no longer be able to go out at night, travel at any time or enjoy all the freedoms of a childless couple. As the baby needs the mother full-time, some women give up their professional life to dedicate themselves exclusively to the child. You have to think about all this before increasing the family.

How to raise children?

This is a real mission. There are no ready-made formulas, however, education can give rise to a conscious adult or an inconsequential person. Saying no is the watchword, according to child psychologist Rosana Augone. With more than 30 years of experience, Rosana says that setting limits is the great challenge in the first seven years, the so-called construction phase where personality structures are formed. The psychologist chooses the three secrets of a responsible education:

a) Say no, so the child learns that not everything is the way we want;

b) Give autonomy, for the child to make decisions and deal with their consequences;

c) Praising with sincerity, highlighting the positive points gives strength and security.

Children also need to help around the house. Teach her that everyone should collaborate in the maintenance of the house. See activities for each age group:

From 2 years: collect the toys and put them away, help water the plants;

From 3 to 4 years old: putting dishes and silverware on and off the table, preparing sandwiches, helping with pet care, planting flowers and watering the grass;

From 5 to 6 years old: making the bed, folding and storing clothes, preparing the school lunch, taking care of the pets;

From 6 years: helping to pack supermarket groceries, take out the garbage, separate clothes to wash.

Only child

Even more difficult, without proper education the only child can be a selfish adult. To succeed in raising an only child you cannot:

Superproteger: the child believes that the world revolves around him and he becomes a spoiled, boring and inconsequential adult;

Give everything the child wants: those who receive everything at the time they want are not prepared for frustrations;

Let the child do whatever he wants: when the child receives a yes after a tantrum, he understands that he can win everything by shouting;

Don't fill it with charges: parents let the only child loose so he can learn to be strong, or else they suffocate him to the point where he is emotionally dependent. There needs to be a middle ground between accompanying the child and not being clingy.

What to teach children?

On this difficult journey, which is even more difficult in today's competitive world, these simple yet valuable lessons must be imparted every day:

all are the same

The president of a company is no better than a street sweeper. Teaching that everyone is equal does your child a huge good;

Divide

Accumulating things is not a sign of prosperity. Your child needs to understand that we need to share time, knowledge, food, clothes and shoes;

Gentleness

Please excuse me and thank you are magic words that open doors. Sometimes these are the first words many people learn in other languages. Also show your child how good it is to help a visually impaired person cross the street or catch a bus. Helping a neighbor with heavy bags is another form of kindness;

have word

Show your child that credibility is someone else's currency. Fulfilling agreements, arriving at appointments at the agreed time are signs of respect;

don't humiliate anyone

Only people who are poor in spirit take pleasure in humiliating. As Mahatma Gandhi says, "What impresses me most about the weak is that they need to humiliate others in order to feel strong."  

Mom and Dad at the same time

Abandonment or death of partner and independent production. Many women face the challenge of raising a child alone. Psychologist Maria Eduarda Rosa summarizes the difficulty of single mothers: “The paternal role allows the insertion of the subject in the culture. In addition, the figure of the father is characterized by giving limits, bringing the notion of law to the child”.

Psychologist Ellen Queiroz advises these mothers not to be ashamed to ask friends and family for help and, above all, not to transfer anger and frustrations, in the case of mothers who have been abandoned by their partner.

warrior mothers

Warrior: hardworking, strong and capable person who conquers his goals thanks to his persistence. The dictionary definition applies very much to mothers. They move to another city, spend months in the hospital, sell things to support their children's dreams, among other sacrifices. Every mother is a warrior, but in some the virtue is tripled.

Turns and moves the cinema tells stories of warrior mothers. If you are a mother, watch at least one of these movies to feel like you are in front of a mirror, if you are a child, watch them all to value yours.

Lorenzo's Oil (1992)

The film by director George Miller shows the struggle of Michaela Odone (Susan Sarandon). Mother of Lorenzo, a six-year-old child diagnosed with adrenoleukodystrophy, a rare genetic disease that affects men and affects the nervous system, myelin (protein in the white part of the nervous system) and testicles. Michaela hears from the doctors that her son's case has no solution. She doesn't give up and starts researching a medicine to save her son.

Zuzu Angel (2006)
The film features the struggle of fashion designer Zuzu Angel (Patrícia Pillar) to clarify and recover the body of her son Stuart Jones, an economics student who fought against the military dictatorship. Zuzu even asked the United States for help, the country where her son's father was born. Death in a government-ordered car accident ended the stylist's struggle.

The Blind Side (2009)
The work tells the true story of writer Leigh Anne Tuohy. One day, she sees a boy sleeping in the school's stadium and invites him to sleep at her house. Michael Oher is a black boy, the son of a drug addict and homeless. Seeing Michael's potential, Leigh faces everyone's prejudice and adopts the boy. A few years later, Michael Oher becomes Big Mike, a celebrated football player.

Terminator 2 (1991)

Sarah Connor is a woman who plays both mother and soldier roles in this film. When she leaves the asylum, Sarah imparts to her son John Connor, leader of the human front against the machines, guerrilla and survival techniques that prove very useful in her son's fight.

The Exchange (2008)

Christine (Angelina Jolie) is a single mother who discovers that her nine-year-old son Walter has gone missing when she picks him up from school. She begins a relentless struggle to find the boy. The police give Christine a boy five months after the disappearance, she accepts the boy even though she is sure he is not her son. Christine gets on top of the cops so they can find the real Walter.

What do children learn from warrior mothers?

Mothers who spare no effort for their children transmit lessons for a lifetime. As children learn by example, let's see what they learn when they have warrior mothers:

1. The value of independence

Strong mothers want their children to be too. They introduce concepts of independence from an early age. Letting the child sleep alone is one of the acts of autonomy that the mother goes through, check out the others:

• eat alone

Around eight months, motor coordination increases. At this stage, let the child pick up the food. At first, she will knead the food to feel the texture, smell and perceive the colors. The warrior mother knows that at a year and a half it's time to offer the little one a spoon to make him even more independent;

• Wash hands

At the age of two or three, children of strong mothers wash their hands by themselves;

• Shower, brush teeth and change clothes

Two other signs of independence. Mothers who don't raise their children inside bubbles teach and let their children do these activities alone, so they won't be a problem when they sleep at a friend's house and, above all, they will learn to choose what to wear;

2. Infinite love

Warrior mothers are strict and demand good behavior and grades, this proves how great their love for their children is.

3. Self-esteem

A fighting mother doesn't let herself be shaken. Her self-esteem sure radiates through the air. The benefits of self-love are many:

• The child learns to believe in it, the first step for others to believe in it;
• Self-esteem is an important factor in maintaining mental health. The feeling acts on the immune system of consciousness, making it more resistant, strong and capable of regeneration.

4. Be strong and affectionate in equal measure

Women know very well how to dose this, especially when they are mothers. They prove it when they cry secretly when their child is going through a difficult time and also when they stay up late looking after the child who is burning with fever. Being strong and affectionate at the same time is something very important for a balanced life.

5. Don't be sorry

People who live in regret are very boring. The warrior mother knows this and shows her little boy that time is wasted thinking about “what could have happened”, “what if I had done it” and the like. This mother teaches that we must look to the past so as not to repeat mistakes, but that our focus has to be on the future.

6. Be persistent

Life puts many obstacles in our way, they can be an incentive or reason to give up. Strong mothers teach from an early age that we cannot open up to dreams at the first difficulty. A simple but important lesson not to do homework for the children, she believes in the law of trial and error and knows that the child will only learn after making mistakes.

7. Be strong

Fighting mothers want their children to be strong. They know that it is their mission to prepare their heirs to face the challenges of life. To teach their children not to fail at the first disappointment, they transmit:

• The importance of positive thinking;
• They let their children make mistakes to learn what is right;
• They teach that frustrations are part of life and that they can teach us many things;
• They show that respect, attention and love are not impositions or begging, but achievements.

Believe me, strong people are almost always the children of warrior mothers. Just don't learn from them who doesn't want to. And you are the son of a warrior mother? Tell us what you learned and what her teachings help in your life.

Text written by Sumaia de Santana Salgado from the Eu Sem Fronteiras Team.