The truth is, people lie. Me, you, the neighbor, the boss… We all use lies to our advantage at some point in our lives. Men tend to lie to impress, while women prefer to lie to prevent someone else from getting hurt. I bet you've already invented a little lie to leave work early, for example.
The thing is, neuroscientifically speaking, nobody likes to lie. When we make up something that isn't true, our brain's so-called limbic system, which is responsible for all emotional responses, gets stressed. Hence the feeling of guilt or stress. No wonder we created April Fool's Day, a date when we can lie and play pranks without carrying the weight of deception.
However, in reality, we do this all the time, 365 days a year. We often tell lies to ourselves and others as a form of self-sabotage or to prevent us from facing difficult situations. And this is extremely harmful. Let's reflect on some of them and understand why? Check out 7 lies we should stop telling:
1 – “I’m fine”
How many times have you replied that everything was great when, in fact, everything was terrible? It is common for us to put our feelings in a well-hidden box so that no one notices that we are bad or even because we think we are going to “bother” the other by telling the problem that afflicts us.
The more hidden this little box is, however, the greater the suffering. Venting to someone and letting out everything we're feeling is a form of self-care. Of course, you don't have to go out and tell everyone in the office what's going on, but it's possible to call a trusted friend to talk and put the autopilot aside. Try answering "No, I'm not fine" and you will feel the difference.
2 – “If such a thing happened, my life would be perfect.”
Human beings are full of dreams. We have plans to renovate the house, get promoted at work, take a new course, or find a nice person. The problem is using the absence of these accomplishments as a hindrance to happiness.
It's okay not to feel satisfied with life as it is, but we should use our goals as a drive to achieve what we want, not as a reason to justify this dissatisfaction. Don't stop, seek, but don't wait for life to be perfect as if by magic when you achieve your purposes. After all, soon there will be a new dream to take the place of the old one!
3 – “I cannot live without such a thing/person.”
Deep down, you know you live. It could be an extremely important person in your life or some habit you think you could never break. We are very adaptable and, once we let go, life finds its way to compensate for the lack that that or that person causes.
Initially, it is inevitable that homesickness and sadness make a home, but over time, these feelings pass. That's why we should never put our happiness in something or someone and, as impossible as it seems, we are able to be happy only in our own company.
4 – “If I could go back in time, I would do it differently.”
No, it wouldn't. All our decisions are based on feelings, knowledge and awareness of the moment.
If we go back, we would probably repeat our mistakes. And that's how it should be! The blunders we make throughout life, although painful, serve as a learning experience. We don't need to carry the burden of the past, but reflect on the future based on what has already happened. Stop regrets and move on!
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5 – “I know exactly what I am doing.”
You may actually know what you're doing, but adopting a know-it-all attitude prevents you from learning even more. For controlling people, especially, this phrase is a way of reassuring yourself that you are in control of the situation.
Although it's okay to not be sure of anything. We are constantly evolving and learning, so the best thing is to open up to what you can add in our lives.
6 – “I’ll be there in a minute.”
It's okay that Spanish people have a habit of being late – everyone knows that if the party is scheduled for 18 pm, guests won't start arriving until around 19 pm. It costs nothing, however, to be sincere with those who are waiting for you.
If you just got in the shower, don't say it's coming. It is a lack of respect for the other's time, consideration and patience. Delays happen, however, no one needs to be harmed because of it. Tell the truth and avoid keeping people waiting.
7 – “I will never let anything bad happen to you.”
This is a very common lie in romantic relationships and between parents and children. We know we don't have the superhero ability to protect those we love 100% of the time and in all situations. They need to learn to make mistakes on their own and suffer the consequences. It's the law of life and that's how we evolve.
In the end, we can only control what fits into our reality. No matter how close the other person is, he or she is beyond our remit. So we can do our best to keep her safe, but we lack superpowers to go beyond that.
So the lesson is, whether it's April Fools' Day or any other time of the year, we need to be responsible with what we say. Little lies may seem silly at first, but they have huge consequences for us and others. Isn't it time to be more true to your own life?
