The first date can be very good or a real hole! Generally, people do a personal marketing of themselves: the woman avoids eating too much, the man takes a bath in the best bottle of Giorgio Armani perfume…
Bingo! The biggest flaw is that we idealize that workmate that we only see on the other floor of the company and that we keep flirting with for a long time until he takes the initiative to invite him to lunch; or that beautiful woman you were at a party with last night and who agreed to go out with you the following Saturday to get to know each other better; or in any other situation that has led to this “I want to go out with you” stage. See some details that you are already lacking in knowing, however, out of naivety or enthusiasm, you put everything to lose. Check out!
1. Anything you say may later be said against you
This “ah! Don't worry, you can talk about your ex, it's over, I don't care and I even talk about mine if you want”… I don't want to!
There are so many interesting topics to talk about in the first contact: the type of favorite music, the last movie to debut in theaters, a cool series that you are watching on Netflix or HBO and want to comment (it may even have seen and expressed the point of view you've had about a particular character or episode), a cool book you're reading and want to recommend, the ozone hole problem… I don't know! any motto other than religion, football or ex.
I say this because there are men and women who do have a certain kind of “cash register”. Perhaps they are not even aware of such a gift. It may even be that you make a comment that has gone unnoticed, while she is admiring your mischievous smile or he is paying more attention to your cleavage, even though you know how to disguise it very well, but the person's subconscious, without realizing it , registers every word that comes out of your mouth and, tomorrow or the day after, if the relationship goes ahead, I'm sorry to say that, in a simple discussion, a certain unpleasant subject may come to light that you yourself let slip at the beginning of your courtship... Or perhaps there is not even the second meeting, who will say the beginning?
But wait there! If the relationship has a future, he gave me the freedom to approach a certain story, which I didn't like, and I too (in revenge) can fight back if I know something obscure about his past... Well, if I'm to think like that, then is that you will have no future even in this relationship.
Definitely, if you think that exposing a past problem will help what you are experiencing in the present… Like, for example: “He will understand me and won't mind if I talk about the trauma I went through and will even pay more attention not to make the same mistakes as that bandit…” Exactly! And that could include starting a relationship with you!
You are two, there cannot be a third! Get rid of your ex's ghost. Demonstrate that you are over it (even if you are very hurt and haven't gotten over it). In that case, it would be good to not even meet anyone and give yourself some time. However, there are people who prefer not to take any time, prefer to take risks again and there is no harm in that. But rest assured that the best answer you can give when asked about your old relationship is: “Yes, it was great while it lasted, he was a great person (although not literally), but it didn’t work out.” . And, if there is such curiosity and insistence on the part of the individual, cast your gaze 43 and retort just like this: “It didn't work out because, if it had, I wouldn't be here with you”.
Avoid complaining all the time about what has passed. Nobody likes traumatized people who only know how to complain. Who likes this is a psychologist!
2. “I leave it to your discretion” and invites who pays
In the modern world we live in, there are women who don't mind splitting the bill, just as there are men who insist on being gentlemen and taking care of everything. But there are also women who are offended at having to pay for everything alone, and there are men who don't like women not contributing to them, since the crisis is there and rights are equal. It is a terrible doubt on the part of some couples: who will pay the bill? It doesn't matter the form of payment.
The worst is when you ask the guy to choose the place and he leaves it up to “your discretion”. If there's one thing irritating, it's a person with no attitude, both on the part of those who invite and on the part of those who are invited. If the person is giving you a chance to choose the place, because they probably have no idea what you like or maybe they want to be kind, suggest, for example, that you really like Italian food or that you suddenly don't like that food. Japanese (if you prefer that she surprises you when choosing the place). Now, if she insists that you choose, think of a nice place that is preferably within your budget, because you never know…
But, for God's sake, beware of the waiter who will serve you. Most of the time, this professional is very discreet, but it may happen that one day he will answer you and ask if you want the same wine as last week or anything else in the house that you are used to ordering. It may seem silly, but if you don't make it clear to "your date" that you are a regular at that restaurant, he may infer that it is another one of your collection. It's not fancy when we know we're one more on that guy's “contact list”. We like to feel special, especially women. It pays to make a good impact, and that would be too impolite. The most hilarious thing is to be seen as the famous “Don Juan” or the “man-eater” who always walks around the conversation circles of the staff of that establishment... The waiter and receptionist and even the cook have already seen you book a table for two in the same month and knowing that more than twenty have already passed through there… But, if you are that kind of laid back person who thinks “speak well or speak badly, but talk about me”, then there is no drama. Have fun with the looks of disapproval or admiration.
I've heard male friends complaining about the following: "I wanted to impress the girl, I let her choose the place and the damn thing wanted to go to the most expensive French restaurant in town, the dish was gourmet and it didn't even feed me properly and I almost had a heart attack when I saw the bill . I was really at a loss! I don't think the second date will even happen." Could it be because the woman is very exquisite and the guy more simple? Could! Could it also be that the woman is a mercenary and the little guy preferred to run from her? Yea! Could!
Let's consider the last hypothesis: as he wanted to impress her, she chose the most expensive one to test him; because, if the meeting wasn't worth it, at least the environment would be worth posting on social networks. And, as she saw that the blessed one was a hunger pang, she realized that another second date would only happen in another reincarnation. Anyway, she had fun. Was she the one who ran from him? It could be yes! And I could ask so many other questions about this frustrated encounter with others, but better not to judge.
Another very funny one is the well-meaning type: “I took the cat out to eat at an all-you-can-eat meal I chose, super cool, which opened near my work, and she just talked and talked, she didn't even touch her plate!”. Obvious! On the first date, as is common and customary, the woman gets very nervous. There are some cases in which she spends hours on end choosing the clothes she will wear, the shoes or the bag that will match, mark a manicure, do her hair, do her best with that makeup and even shave herself (shaving! intention, but maybe…). Everything is possible in the female mind, things that man cannot even imagine. Obviously that dinner for her will be to exchange an idea with you and not to eat as if it were the last day of her life. Although it wouldn't hurt to eat a good all-you-can-eat pizza… Oh, well, I would!
Why the hysteria of not being able to consume high calories in front of him? The nervousness is so much the guy thinks we are a starving person that we prefer to behave like a “lady” and the hunger even disappears.
There are also complaints from some women: “I went out with the guy and he wanted to split the bill on the first date, how can that?”
Yes, it's complicated. There are guys who don't know how to react in the face of so much beauty, feminism and independence and think they're doing the right thing, since they don't see any harm in the woman also helping them to share the expenses. Just as there are the so-called profiteers, the mercenaries who do not like to pay any bill whatsoever. Well, some men will think I'm being unfair to them, but just as there are the Marias of life (Marie-gasoline, Maria-chuteira etc.), there are also the gigolos, fact! And they do exist and they are more real than many imagine.
Once, a friend of mine in her late forties, who had been divorced for a long time and desperate to have a romance, decided to take the advice of some friends, took courage and signed up on one of these dating sites. She wasn't used to meeting people she didn't know, let alone in public places, which she hadn't been to in a while. I remember that she was married for years and no longer went to bars or anything like that. There were many disappointing meetings and, when she was about to give up, here comes a “good square” candidate. It wasn't that he was physically beautiful, had possessions or was younger than she was, but he had what conquers any woman: charisma, intelligence and a good sense of humor. She was excited. On the first date, everything was wonderful: she chose the place and they split the bill. She found it strange because, at the time she used to go out, there was the so-called “gentleman”, but she didn't care. She considered the second date and he agreed. Turns out, in the second, he didn't pay. Then he called her to the third and so on. She paid. His credit card never went through and his tastes were pretty sophisticated. When she put a stop to the monetary investment, the romance ended. He, of course, finished. The poor thing was devastated, but she learned that love is expensive in these cases.
Another friend of ours commented: “The guy wants to split the bill if we stay together later on, that's fine by me. But on the first date, no! Even because we only make crowdfunding with who we really know. I don't mind sharing it with my friends, but with a guy I've barely met, I don't think it's right.”
But wait there: the guy doesn't know you either and will pay his bill and yours! Although women spend money on maintaining their beauty, which would be the same, if we put it at the tip of a pencil. And, as much as the boy says he didn't ask for any sacrifice, I say here that no man in his right mind will want to go out with "a piece of stuff" and, when he leaves, at least, he has ulterior motives and makes a point of choosing the most discreet places. so that no one sees her on his side.
As a XNUMX-year-old presenter of a popular SBT program would say, when interviewed on another program on the same station (I prefer not to name names, but it really makes all the difference to mention it here): “Men don’t spend hours or money like women to get ready in a beauty parlor, the least he has to do is pay the bill when he goes out with her.” And isn't he absolutely right?
Who doesn't like it when the guy opens the car door, buys flowers or chocolates, praises and is still polite? What's wrong with that?
I think a man should pay not only on the first date, but whenever he wants to. But there are extremely feminist women who will be offended by my comment, because we are a “box of surprises”. We are complicated and I make it clear here that I am not in favor of machismo!
I don't want to argue, so I propose the following: "Whoever invites pays."
That's right! If the woman invites, she pays; if the man invites, he pays. Ready! No more cruel doubt and the war of the sexes!
Nobody splits the money unless they come to an agreement. Is it okay, girls?
3. If she dances, I dance. And if she sings, don't I sing?
If you were in a club, for sure you sensualized and he was your “closing”, or vice versa.
Second alternative: you're not really the “waltz-footer” and the person thought you were shy or both… But you danced in your clumsy way and won him over. Whatever the situation, at a party, it's difficult to even talk properly because of the noise.
If the person is comfortable with you, away from the dance floor, don't insist on taking them. If she doesn't want to, just enjoy her company. On a Saturday night, you don't always have to be Travolta to get attention. This is also true if the first date the next day is in a quieter place that has a nice place to dance or even sing. There are people who have fun at karaoke and get excited about the repertoires. Think about it, because your night can be very fruitful if you and the other enjoy letting your voice out; if not, it's going to be a fiasco, because there won't be so much conversation and you'll have a lot of “potty” ears to hear out of tune voices.
Oh! And beware of “the sung ones”. You're on a date, have common sense. It's not convenient to text someone attractive at the other table if he's distracted, or even flirt with the waiter. The guy is right there beside him, respect him. Same thing if it's the other way around. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you. And if you catch the person singing someone else, leave them talking to themselves—or, rather, singing.
4. Pay attention between the lines
Okay, opposites attract… But is it really? If he is from Vasco and you are from Flamengo; if he is sedentary and you are not; if he is a spiritist and you are an evangelical; if, in politics, he is on the Right and you are on the Left; if he doesn't have many friends and you are very sociable and don't give up your social environment; if he was never married and you are (and don't even think about remarrying); or if he doesn't have kids and you do… So this meeting could end up in an argument or even death if sincerity is at stake (I'm kidding).
What I mean is that, even with all this difference, if there is truly a strong attunement between you, it will all be worth it in case you are your change, why not? Why do we always have to wait for the transformation to come from the next person? We also have to be open to that. However, if you are not prepared to undergo a metamorphosis or understand and listen to the different opinions of your concept of life, it may be a great possibility to give up investing in this relationship while there is still time. After all, you don't want to get hurt in a few months, and it would be very annoying to also hurt someone in that same amount of time just because they're not willing to think like you.
And if you notice that he's suddenly changed the way he is just to please you, have a good conversation and make it clear that it's not quite like that. What is fun at first can later become unbearable. Remember that those who leave their personality aside, also leave their dignity and self-love. In exchange for this, insecurity, jealousy, demands, etc.
And it won't take long for your lack of interest in this citizen to be blunt to the point that you ask yourself: "Where is the person I met and who once moved me so much?" This person is no longer the same, he has changed radically, he has lost his essence for you.
Pay attention between the lines: if he's vain and talks a lot about "standard beauty" and doesn't care much about the other qualities you have to offer, besides your youth and toned body, I'm sorry to say, but, as a friend said man, one day old age arrives for everyone and with it there may be a few extra pounds and, probably, twenty years from now, if he still has the same superficial taste, he will leave you for someone younger and with the same aesthetic standard you once had. Don't waste your time with frivolous people. He is very precious and does not go back.
5. It's not a job interview
When we're teenagers, we quickly identify when a guy just wants to bed us: "Are you still a virgin?" Respond sarcastically if these kinds of questions come up “disinterestedly” on the first date: “No honey, I’m an Aquarius.” And get out, because it's the biggest hole!
The same if the 18-year-old borrows his uncle's car to impress the prettiest girl in school and then, on another date, when he appears on foot at her house, he hears: “Where did you park your car? Let's go out?"
There's no point in revolting. It was he who wanted to sell a false image. The only good thing about it all is that he'll identify if it's worth being with someone who really wants to be with him or with his uncle's EcoSport. If it's the latter, he can continue to pretend to her and, what's worse, lie to himself that she likes him.
And if you're over sixty and don't want your family to know about your personal life, that's very understandable. Because, just as our parents want the best match for us, it is also no different when it comes to the opposite: children and grandchildren always want the patriarch or matriarch of the family to be with someone on the same level or in a better financial situation. and not that he spends his miserable retirement with someone who earns less than he or she... But they often forget the fundamental thing: taking care of their own lives so they don't make unnecessary guesses in the life of the other, who spends a lot of time alone after widowed. These family members forget that all they need is good company for the time they have left and not the indiscreet opinions of relatives who often see them once a week and look there.
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Finally, regardless of your age: enjoy the first date!
And finally, relax and be yourself. It's no job interview! If the person feels comfortable, just like you, he will talk about his tastes, what he does or what he doesn't do, who he lives with, among other details that are revealed over time without you noticing.
Is there anything more delicious than someone mysterious?
