Abusive relationships are much more common than we realize, and you certainly know someone who has been in one — maybe even you've been the victim of an abuser.
After we get over the abusive relationship, comes a desire: what to do to never fall into this trap again? We've prepared some tips to help people who've suffered from abusive relationships never fall into that again!
What is an abusive relationship?
Every abusive relationship works differently. Aggressive, humiliating, possessive and controlling behaviors are the most common, even though a lot in between these areas can affect someone committed to a relationship. Check out the main “symptoms” of an abusive partner:
- Isolates you from friends and family.
- Constantly wants to know where you are and what you are doing.
- Take control of your finances and plans, leaving no room for dialogue.
- Rarely takes responsibility or admits blame.
- Tries to manipulate you.
- Demonstrates intense feelings and behaviors, such as obsession and possessiveness.
- Commits physical, emotional or sexual violence.
But then why do we stay in abusive relationships?
Again: each case is different, and each person has their reasons for staying, even if they don't know it. According to the US Domestic Violence Hotline, an average person takes seven attempts to leave an abusive partner. Apart from the risks of life you can take when you decide to put an end to it.
Here are some of the reasons why a person stays in a relationship:
- Feeling of an affective bond with the partner (love, passion, affection, etc.).
- Fear that the partner will not allow the breakup.
- Security concerns.
- Have nowhere to go.
- Not having financial independence.
- Not knowing how to take the initiative to leave.
- Not having a support network.
- Feelings like fear, shame or embarrassment.
- Desire to keep the family together for the sake of the children.
- Worry about hurting your partner.
How to leave, stay away and not come back
The advice we can give for not getting back into abusive relationships is the same advice we can give to someone who wants to get out of one or stay away after taking the initiative to leave an abusive relationship. Check out:
1 – Seek therapy
Whether you are coming out of an abusive relationship or fearing that you will fall into one again, seeking psychological help is critical to understanding what drives you to get involved in this type of relationship and how you can try to prevent it from happening.
In the therapeutic process, with the help of a psychologist, you will overcome the trauma that abusive relationships left in you and you will learn to "filter" more carefully the people who enter your life and the loving relationships you establish.
2 – Create a support network
Being around family and friends is essential to getting over an abusive relationship and staying away from them. Even if you are a more reclusive person and don't like to talk about yourself much, establish at least one deep relationship with one person with whom you can share what happens in your love life.
This will allow that person to help you identify if the relationship is abusive and what you can do to get out of it. But don't have a one-person support network, because in times of abuse, realizing that we matter to some people can be comforting and necessary — and it increases the chances that someone will be available when you need them.
3 – Remember why you left
In moments of emotional, romantic and sexual need, we may find that being with anyone, even if it is abusive, is better than being alone. Then we can end up forgetting how bad an abusive relationship is, entering another because we cannot control the lack.
Regardless of how you go about doing it, it's important to have something that helps you remember how bad that experience was and how strong and brave you were to put it behind you. This will help you keep in mind the many harms of being in an abusive relationship.
4 – Trust your instinct
If you have a feeling that things are getting weird or going down a path that isn't the way you want, maybe it's time to stop and put an end to things. Never stop listening to your intuition, because sometimes it brings up things that we don't consciously capture.
But, of course, know how to balance. If you need to, talk to someone and talk about this feeling so you can understand if it has any basis in truth or if it's just "paranoia" same. Anyway, if something makes you feel that there is something wrong there, be sure to listen to that “voice”, because it is precious.
5 – Seek your independence
Dependent on someone financially and emotionally can be the recipe for entering and staying in an abusive relationship. Therefore, it is important to seek to gain independence, not to depend on a possible abuser and allow this to enter the equation of manipulation and abuse.
We're not talking about being rich or anything like that, just being able to “make it” financially and emotionally without the other person if you are dependent on them in some way. Also, be on the lookout for your partner's attempts to make you dependent, as this can be a basis for him to commit abuse and manipulation.
Anyway, these were some tips to help people who have been in abusive relationships to prevent it from happening again. Above this advice, attention: don't blame yourself! You are not to blame for having trusted an abuser, he is responsible for committing abuse.
You may also like
- Check out the link between toxic relationships vs abusive relationships
- Find out ways to take care of yourself when you get out of an abusive relationship.
- Get inspired by these self-love reminders!
If you feel that your safety and life are at risk because of an abusive relationship, don't hesitate to go to the police, ask for help and file a report.
