When you are in a relationship or even just casually relating to someone, what is important to you in the relationship? Do you enjoy hearing passionate declarations or does nothing compare to hugging and intimate relationships with your love? Or is giving and receiving little gifts to show that you care, in your opinion?
So none of these displays of affection and love represent more or less love, because each of them is more or less important, in different measures, for each of us. That's why it's important to know each of the love languages, to understand how we behave and what our expectations are. Understand!
What is the language of love?
The 5 love languages ​​theory was proposed by relationship counselor Gary Chapman. According to him, there are five basic languages ​​through which love is understood and expressed. In short, this means that the way you receive and express love is different from someone else's, and that's okay!
Therefore, according to Chapman, throughout our development, in childhood, adolescence and even in adulthood, we “format” this language of love. However, it is important to understand that this is not something immutable.
You may have already had, for example, the experience of living in a relationship in which intimate and sexual moments were essential. And then, in another relationship, sex was lukewarm, but the person's presence and her willingness to be together, helping her life, was more important than what happened in bed.
Finally, having knowledge of the languages ​​of love allows us, above all, to read our moment. That is, which way of expressing and manifesting love is more important or makes the most sense in the present moment. And also, of course, it helps us understand which makes the most sense for your partner.
What are the five love languages?
Check out below a list of Chapman's 5 love languages, as well as practical examples:
words of affirmation
Compliments, declarations, affirmations, encouragement and words of affection are the most important things for those who have this love language. In other words, it means that communication and love manifested in sentences, messages and so on are very important to this person.
“Love, you can trust me”, “I love being with you” and “Today was amazing” are some of the affirmations that this type of person loves to hear and say, and this is how they usually manifest and receive love. So you may find it difficult to relate to someone who is unromantic or skilled with words.
Present
The person who follows this language of love manifests his love and feels loved when he gives and/or receives something from the loved one. What matters here is not the financial or material value of the gift, but the fact that there was dedication and care when choosing and, finally, delivering the gift.
It can be a jewel worth thousands of reais or just “love, I passed the pastry shop and stopped to buy you a truffle”, it doesn't matter. What matters is that this person will feel extremely loved upon receiving something. And maybe it's even better for her to deliver something to her loved one.
service gestures
These are people to whom words alone don't mean much. They express what they feel and feel loved in everyday gestures. That is, when they actually do something to help the loved one or feel that the loved one does the same for them.
So, a dish washed so that the person doesn't have to worry about it, the partner who helps the other to clean the house even without living together, just to help, accompany or go to the market for the person... Anyway, it is in actions and gestures that love is manifested in this language.
quality of time
For that person, it doesn't matter which program will make him and his partner be together. For what matters is that they are together. That simple. Words, gifts, touch can all be important to her, but just being close is enough.
Want to go to the movies? We will. Plan a trip? Let's go. Spending the weekend without stepping home? Left! Or stay the two days of the weekend lying down doing nothing? Also valid. After all, what matters is being close to the one you love, so the program is the least of it.
physical touch
For these people, words, gifts, and time together may be important, but it's through touch that they feel loved. Kisses, hugs, laps, sex, body care, walking hand in hand, all this is important to them.
Relationships that are warmer in the physical sense can't keep them, like that partner who doesn't have such a high libido or doesn't like public displays of affection. For them, their partner's body is almost like a temple that deserves worship — and they want to feel that theirs is too.
How to discover your main love language?
There is no possible test to find out what your love language is. What you can do is think about and analyze your love relationships, whether in the present or in the past, to discover when you felt more or less loved. Also, thinking about what you feel you never had/received that would be important is helpful.
So think about whether that relationship where there was more sex and less romantic statements or more statements and fewer gifts and help on the day was good, was better and/or made more sense to you.
How to use the five love languages ​​to your advantage?
Self-knowledge is not an end. Self-knowledge is the path that will take you where you want. The more you get to know what makes you feel good and makes you feel loved, the less risk you will run of getting involved in relationships that give you less than you deserve. In addition, it helps you to understand, in fact, how to be happy in a relationship.
Additionally, having knowledge of the 5 love languages ​​will help you to “read” your partners better, identifying what is most important to them and how you can express what you feel for them so that they feel loved.
Many people, knowing the theory of the 5 love languages, believe that they should only look for partners who have the same language. But this is not true! As long as all members of the relationship are aware of what the partners like and make an effort to manifest love, it can work.
You may also like
- Reflect on the reason for the trivialization of love
- Think if technology has changed love
- Find out if there is a perfect love
- the languages ​​of life
And remember: dialogue is not only important, but essential! Waiting for someone to find out exactly what you think and feel is a common recipe for relationship failure. Then, calmly and affectionately, talk about what you like to give and receive, how you like to do it, and listen to the other side too.
Finally, knowing the language(s) of love that makes the most sense for you is another step in your journey of self-knowledge, because it will provide your life with healthier relationships that bring more of that feeling of “ fulfillment” that only a light and harmonic love is able to bring.
