Maybe you've never heard of affective neediness, but you've probably felt it. You know that desire to be with someone? To feel loved, wanted and desired by the other? Affective lack is what we feel when we want to be with anyone, as long as we are not alone.
And this can happen in a stable relationship or with people who are single. In a relationship, it can be quite harmful, at the risk of wearing down the relationship. Among the singles, it can make them stay close to those who hurt them or get into relationships that don't work just to not be alone.
Is feeling emotional need bad?
Well, feeling lack of affection is not bad. In fact, it's even normal and part of our needs. Just as we feel hunger, thirst, and the urge or need to shower, comes the desire to feel wanted and to be with someone. However, this can become a problem when it happens with high frequency and intensity.
To help you deal with this situation, we've prepared a list of 10 tips to help you endure and overcome this relationship. And remember: if you need it, seek the therapeutic help of Psychology to be able to take care of this important need. Check out our tips!
1 – Recognize your lack
First of all, you need to recognize that your lack exists, whether it is a trait of your personality or a moment you are going through. If you try to pretend that this lack doesn't exist, you will be violating your desires and desires and getting further and further away from dealing with this problem properly.
2 – Don’t feel guilty
When you feel hungry or thirsty at a time when there is no chance to satisfy those cravings, do you blame yourself? Of course not? It's your body manifesting. And when your affective lack appears, it's your mind manifesting. So don't feel guilty about being needy.
Instead, try to understand where this lack comes from. Have you been spending a lot of time alone? Have you been feeling distant from your partner? Are you single and want a partner? Finally, it is essential to deal with your lack not as a problem caused by you, but as a desire that you need to take care of and, if possible, satisfy.
3 – Talk to your partner
If you are in a relationship, it is essential that you are able to create a relationship and an “environment” in which you can be honest about your neediness. So if you're living a healthy relationship, you'll know that there's all the space in the world to just walk up to your partner and say, "I'm needy."
More than that, if your relationship is healthy, your partner will understand your lack and, as far as possible, will try to welcome you, take care of you and fill that lack. But then it is important to pay attention to the next topic — which is not just for those who are in an established relationship.
4 – Don’t demand from the other all the time
Those in a relationship need to understand that, in addition to life as a couple, each member has their own personal and individual life. So being in a relationship doesn't mean living together and spending all your time with the other. If your lack arises in moments when the other is living his own things, that's a problem.
However, this happens to singles too! Often, they feel needy because they don't have the presence of friends, family and even people they casually relate to when they need to. Seeking the other has to be good for both! No one has to be available all the time for your neediness.
5 – Beware of emotional unavailability
Have you heard about emotional unavailability? Emotionally unavailable people are those who, because they like being alone more, whether because of trauma, seclusion or fear of relationships and depth, do not make themselves available to you when you need them.
It is the boyfriend who only shows up when he wants something, the friend who is only available to talk about himself, the family member who only opens his mouth to fight... they just don't have the capacity to supply.
6 – Avoid humiliating yourself
When we're feeling needy and we seek someone's presence, but we hear a "no," it only deepens our neediness. And it gets even worse when you have to say "please" or even beg to get some attention from the person you're trying to hook up with.
That's why it's essential to set your own limits and understand that you shouldn't be humiliated by someone's presence, attention and affection. Anyone who cares about you and feels sad for seeing you needy or wanting some attention will naturally give in, if possible. Don't be humiliated by anyone!
7 – Strengthen your relationship with yourself
Yes, sometimes we just don't want to be alone, do a show alone or enjoy something only in solo mode. Often, the presence of another person, be it a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, family member or another dear person, makes the moment more special.
However, you need to strengthen your relationship with yourself, to reduce the frequency of those moments when loneliness bothers you. When you understand that being alone is not a problem, but a necessity (just like being with others), your relationship with lack begins to transform.
8 – Find hobbies and passions
But it's also not possible to fight the affective lack by being alone staring at the ceiling, is it? That's why it's important that you find activities, hobbies and passions that you enjoy, to fill those moments when solitude is needed.
If you find, for example, an activity like playing a sport, watching movies and series or reading books, your time with yourself will become a delight, no longer an uncomfortable thing that you need to fill with the presence of someone.
9 – Strengthen your trust in others
Also, many people who are in a relationship feel the need to spend time with their partner for fear that if they are alone or alone, they may end up losing interest in the relationship. Trusting each other is essential! And longing is part of a relationship, so being a little bit apart is good too.
Understand that it is impossible to control everything! For a person interested in a relationship, no amount of “temptation” will make them lose interest. As for an uninterested person, even if you spend 23 hours with her, in that 1 “free” hour, she can violate the relationship. Learn to trust and understand that if your trust is broken, it's not your fault.
10 – Seek professional help
If you have been finding it difficult to deal with your emotional need or feel that it has arisen more often than you would like to have to deal with it, it may be good or necessary to seek therapy to talk about it and find ways to deal with it. situation.
The therapy environment is a space where you will never be judged, belittled, or ridiculed for being a needy person or going through a time of need. On the contrary! The professional who does your therapeutic follow-up will welcome you and work together with you to deal with it!
You may also like
- Find out what your type of need is
- Understand the relationship of childhood with affective deficiency
- Are you emotionally deprived?
- Discover the languages ​​related to self-love
- Causes of human need and how to live more fully
Anyway, these are some tips to deal with your affective lack. Understand that she is not, in and of itself, problematic, and that it is not your fault to feel her. With our tips and/or therapeutic follow-up, you can deal with it in a healthy way and build a lighter life and day to day.
