Catarina was facing a phase that she considered difficult and almost impossible to overcome due to the great emotional pain she was experiencing.
She prayed (practically begged) that something would happen. She prayed that a change would transform her into someone else. A person capable of living without pain, anguish and suffering.
He was reluctant and thus experienced a long phase of denial. Despite therapy and medication, there was still a difficult issue to deal with.
This momentary difficulty in taking care of her pain generated hope for changes. But with his mind numb with pain, his imaginative powers were sharpened.
I watched butterflies flying through the garden and wanted to fly too. She imagined the metamorphosis. Lightness and freedom to fly. Fly to glimpse flowers, colors and perfumes. She wanted to transform. She would like to break the limits generated by her anxieties.
One day, as he entered the kitchen, he noticed that a caterpillar had chosen the bulletin board attached to the side of the front door to settle in.
Catarina took the episode as a sign! A wonderful sign of life showing that her prayers would be answered: time for change! It would become a butterfly free to fly.
She remained standing in front of the painting, following each moment of the transformation: the internal impulses transforming the caterpillar's body into a cocoon.
She watched for several days. She looked intently at the cocoon in anticipation of seeing the butterfly hatch.
Several days passed and nothing. No changes to the cocoon.
Many weeks passed and the cocoon did not open. The butterfly was not born. Realizing that the cocoon would not break, she felt sadness. She took the experience as a sign of personal failure. She mirrored herself in the episode and considered that she was doomed to be a caterpillar and not become a butterfly. She condemned herself and she condemned the butterfly. She condemned nature. Dead. failed. collapsed.
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Even sad, Catarina decided not to remove the cocoon from the painting. Although strange, very strange, it would serve as a reminder. A reminder of accepting what is. She would try not to judge and consider possibilities rather than desires. Reality was what was before her eyes. Neither good nor bad. Just the reality.
He thought about changes and about the example that nature was giving him.
He reflected on cycles, pause, time, introspection and silence. Perhaps the metamorphosis is not a one-time spectacle to mark a major change. He didn't necessarily need to change his shape, or his life, it was enough to learn to accept and welcome his pain with the lightness of a butterfly.
Author's note: Catarina is a fictional character from “Clara and the Writing Notebook”.
