We often think that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, especially on certain occasions, when we are told to hide our emotions. But the truth is, vulnerability can make you stronger. Even in the dictionary it is defined as “Characteristic of something that is subject to criticism for presenting flaws or inconsistencies; fragility”, being vulnerable today can be seen as a positive thing.
To better understand what vulnerability means, the writer and researcher at the University of Houston, Brené Brown, is a reference on the subject. After all, it's long years of study. According to Brown, vulnerability can even connect people. But how to do this in practice and not feel ashamed when exposing some difficulty? In the course of the article, understand its meaning and how to use it to your advantage.
What is vulnerability?
Vulnerability is an indispensable quality in our personal and professional lives. In other words, it can be a strength that is in each of us, whose purpose is not to show our deficiencies or mistakes, but the ability to courageously recognize who we really are, as well as to recognize the need we have for others, to be connected, to be accepted and understood by others. Therefore, it is to accept our limitations and overcome mistakes.
In this sense, it requires us to go through shame, but not get caught up in it. This attitude seems challenging, even more so in this world where perfection and success are sought. Therefore, it is necessary to have the courage to accept ourselves as imperfect and, thus, face difficulties and progress.
Brené Brown and vulnerability studies
As described at the beginning of the text, Brené Brown worked for twelve years doing interviews, collecting letters and diaries of countless people and accumulating thousands of data on this subject. Her work has focused on understanding how vulnerability affects human relationships. In short, she defined this characteristic very well: “Vulnerability is the first thing we look for in other people and the last thing we want to show about ourselves”.
The famous writer also worked on herself, went to therapy and was amazed at how much and how the ability to accept imperfections, rather than being ashamed of them, is necessary to connect first with herself, and then with others.
Brené Brown investigated issues that shape our social behavior: shame, courage and, at the heart of it all, vulnerability. As she explains, this quality is at the origin of feelings like fear.
But afraid of what? For example, not being up to the task: neither in our personal life nor as a professional, which is defined as imposter syndrome. Vulnerability also makes us panic about mistakes, imperfections and, ultimately, not worthy of connecting with others.
However, we need vulnerability to live: happiness, creativity and belonging are born of this. When we desensitize this feeling, we cannot show ourselves as we really are, or develop the full potential we have within us.
Most of us try to cling to an ideal of perfection that we cannot achieve, and that creates frustration. It also causes a demand on oneself that is transferred to others, generating expectations that can never be satisfied.
The key, as Brené Brown explains in her book “The Power of Vulnerability”, is to accept yourself: we are imperfect, but we are “enough”. Only then will we be genuine, authentic and creative people, able to work as a team and face challenges.
we are imperfect
As defended by the writer, recognizing yourself as vulnerable is accepting that you are imperfect, putting aside filters and appearances to show yourself with sincerity and authenticity. Who doesn't have wounds that haven't healed? Who has not lived experiences of pain and suffering? In addition, accepting one's vulnerability implies committing to an intimate and true connection with others, because only by showing ourselves as we are, can we forge true bonds.
Now, in a world where appearances prevail, the tyranny of the positive, success and perfection, this is not easy to deal with, as there is no room for error or discomfort. It's as if we were forced to be superheroes, to always be happy and content, especially on social media. Reasons why we hide everything that saddens and hurts us, which makes us seem more fragile and less valid.
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Therefore, vulnerability is not weakness, and those who have shown their vulnerability from afar do not appear to be weak, but a strong being who is willing to heal their wounds and evolve. And you, have you shown your vulnerabilities?
