The first thing to understand about narcissists is that they behave superior to everyone else. In their minds, everyone else, without exception, only exists so that they can fulfill their purposes and exercise their power, whether for good (as long as they allow it) or for bad (if they put up some resistance).
For this reason, they make use of a whole arsenal of resources and strategies to achieve their goals, presenting a creative and quite diverse list of approaches to suit all types of people they come across, and extract from them everything they need. may serve some purpose. As their focus is power and self-pleasure, they evaluate their victims by their personality traits, the goods they have or the services they can provide them, and will spend their entire lives as "leeches", trying to get every last drop of blood out of them, since it is not part of your profile to expend your own effort for anything.
If they can enjoy what others already bring ready to serve them, why break a sweat to get what they want? In this regard, it is necessary to keep in mind another unalterable aspect of their personality: they will never be satisfied with what they have and with what they have already achieved, remaining all the time behind others. In their view, there is no limit to what they can achieve, which is why they are tireless in the goals they set, just replacing the objective of that moment with a new one. This is why their victims follow one another interminably, since none will be able to attend to them in everything, and intimately they know that they need to gather many to supply all the facets of their needs, which are incessant because they are never satisfied with what they already have. The problem is that they see them as something great and very vast, when in reality it is just one: to remain in control of everything and everyone. And in this the dark and torturous side of their personality is revealed: they will never reach the point of realization with what they have already achieved, always thinking that something is still missing. Then one can understand why their lives are an endless sequence of new people, new desires, new conquests, dragging in this hurricane all those who follow them closely and pay the price of their eternal dissatisfaction.
As their greatest obsession is the exercise of power, they need to feel at all times in charge of everything around them and, for this reason, as soon as they have achieved full mastery over the “turn ball”, they will immediately go on to the next conquest. , because of its docile and eternally dissatisfied character. Without power, they feel as if they don't exist and their life doesn't make any sense, that's why they need to perceive themselves in charge of everything and dominating everyone around them to feel alive!
Observant and detail oriented, they have a highly developed ability to quickly understand the profile of their victims and choose the infallible model that will make them bend to their plans, always changing tactics whenever they realize that one has not worked and they have to go for it. another, or as many as are necessary until they achieve the expected result.
Despite the dramatic and almost always cruel way of achieving its purposes, our narcissist technically cannot be equated with a bandit, who even kills to take from the other what he needs. He does so out of an organic need to put the world at his service, without himself understanding why. In his unconscious, he is able to perceive the damage he does to the lives of others, but since he cannot extract this need from within him, his moments of awareness of the evil he practices will never stop him from continuing to substitute one desire for another. He then happens to suffer only in the lapse of time when he realizes the tragedy he has produced, but in the next he buries everything as if it had never happened and leaves to fulfill a new wish.
Here we also need to understand the nature of his “suffering”: as he does not have the mechanism of empathy within him, that is, he cannot identify with anyone and feel the damage that could even destroy them, he will suffer not for because of the evil he has done, but for the loss that will be imposed on him by his iniquities. To protect himself from people, he ends up withdrawing, or taking measures that deprive him of the perks he obtains with their contest, and he then reveals his surprising other face of regret, sadness and even "scenographic" remorse. It cannot be said that such emotional expressions are 100% false, since, at that moment, he will be able to truly experience them, but because of the losses that were imposed on him, and not because of the suffering he imposed on others, since he cannot feel empathy. by anyone to put themselves in the place of those affected. The narcissist is not exactly a malefactor taken by the will to harm others, but there is also no restraint on morality in him. For example, a person of integrity will use lawful actions based on his moral sense; the bandit will commit illicit acts by substituting the moral for the immoral; but, as morality does not exist in the psychopathic personality of the narcissist, his actions are amoral, that is, he navigates between the moral and the immoral without stopping at the difference between one and the other. His perception of “right” and “wrong” does not apply to what he takes to the other, but to what he receives in return, at which point he identifies the “wrong” only by the sanctions imposed on him.
But while sanctions make the normal person not want to repeat the mistake, the narcissist repeats them indefinitely, as he will not have the strength to change him in anything. The difference between him and the immoral individual is that the latter may, at some point, realize that he will not be able to get back on his feet if he continues to act in the wrong way, and may choose to change his attitude; but, in the case of the psychopath/narcissist, he will not change, simply because he does not see anything wrong with what he does: he will always legitimize the most perfidious actions or the greatest illicit acts that he will commit, based on the premise that he “has the right” to have everything. he wants, and the world is the real evildoer when it does not give him free access to the object of his desires. So it is not surprising that he violates all the rules and commits all sorts of illegalities, choosing as an enemy anyone who tries to stop him, or simply does not facilitate the achievement of the objective he set for himself at that moment.
As already explained, when studying the profile of who can meet this objective, he is guided by his sense of power, comparing it with what he perceives in other people. So, if he comes across someone who believes he has a power as “real” as his, the strategy adopted will be seduction. He will present himself as the most perfect person who has ever walked the face of the planet to conquer that someone, and hold him in his web until he reaches everything that person can provide him in resources or servitude. If, however, he measures the other's "power level" as inferior to his own, then he will have little concern about showing himself sympathetic beyond the first few moments, and will soon reveal his arrogant face to impose himself by force and intimidation. . That's why people who are in a social or professional position inferior to his will soon feel the weight of his arrogance and authoritarianism, when he will then treat them as inferior, even if he has no real ties to them. The tendency is that it tries to subjugate them through fear and intimidation, such as the authority that makes use of the well-known strategy of “do you know who you are talking to?”, to prove itself unattainable by someone so “low”, typical posture of those who the “wallet” valley as a way of imposing its strength on a more vulnerable one. It is common for his dealings with people to go through three very characteristic phases: before getting them to do what he wants, he shows himself to be charming and friendly; once he succeeds – especially if it is something punctual –, he exchanges “friendship” for contempt, and, if he exercises some ascendancy or power of command, the attitude becomes one of embarrassment and even humiliation.
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- What is Narcissism?
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- Understand how perverse narcissists act
Finally, never expect that promises of change and displays of regret or remorse will last longer than necessary to achieve the ultimate purpose, or just long enough to replace the most recent loss. As soon as the reins of the situation are resumed, all this will be forgotten, since at no time did it present itself as a real intention to be better for the other as stated at the moment of the crisis, in which he saw himself “in the eye of the hurricane”. As soon as the storm passes, there is no doubt: the horizon will begin to darken, and a new storm will take shape in that “Brigadier's sky”, to collapse with all its force on the heads of the unwary. The solution so that they do not become a permanent vicious circle is only one: distance, since waiting for a lasting peace to happen on his part is trying to escape from the pot to fall into the fire.
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