How healthy is love?
We hear a lot about drug addiction, sugar addiction, internet addiction and so many other things. But what about addiction to love? To what extent is love healthy to be considered positive in our lives? At what point does it turn into something destructive and invasive? Whether it's a feeling of a mother, father, brother, friend or boyfriend, love must be good. When we are unhappy and cannot break free in any relationship, love becomes toxic.Who has never had a friend who complained that her boyfriend made her suffer too much or tried to make her be a totally different person than she really was? Who has never heard someone say that they did a certain thing just because their boyfriend wanted to?
After all, why live a love that doesn't do you good?
Love addiction is dangerous. Addiction to a specific love is even more dangerous. To be addicted to love is to rely on the idea that everything will change, that everything will be better in the future and, therefore, it is worth putting up with a bad period. It's supporting yourself in the hope of being happy tomorrow, since it doesn't happen today.
Being addicted to love can mean that you accept any kind of situation just to continue living that feeling and that particular relationship. You accept being humiliated, denigrated, mistreated. You accept to live sad, afraid and anguished, to say the least.
This is not Love. In fact, it's far from it!
Love is peaceful, light, happy, radiant, tender, friendly, intuitive, human. Love is something that always makes us feel good. Even in the bad times, we know it's worth living because most of the times are good.
Love should help, not hinder. Love needs to magnify, not diminish. Love should make you happy, not develop fear and dread. Love brings peace, not terror.
Often, this feeling makes us confuse the other's obsession with intense love. Thus, the partner's jealousy becomes synonymous with affection. The other's mistakes? We let it go and let it go, because after all, it won't happen again...
Is it?
Believe me: in a relationship like this, where you try to be the best you can and the other doesn't care about making you happy (he only cares about meeting the needs of his own ego, personal insecurity and jealousy), nothing will work. right.
You can spend months (even years) trying to make this relationship work, but you will continue to suffer and wear out along the way. Why insist so much on something so destructive?
Abusive relationships are not just characterized by physical aggression, for example. A relationship is abusive, too, when you give and get nothing in return; when you wear out; when your physical, psychological, emotional and mental strengths are sucked for nothing.
And why do we hold on to something like this? By addiction, by dependence. Don't cling to the hope that everything will change, because it won't. Love must be light from the start. You don't have to change who you are, you don't have to change your life. Whoever loves you must also love the way you are.
When it comes to this feeling, you can't fool around, because it reaches our deepest points and makes us think and act in ways that sometimes we don't recognize ourselves. And if changes don't happen for the better, it's worth reconsidering.
There are also cases where people stay in relationships because they believe in the idea that they will help their partner to change, to improve, to leave these bad attitudes behind and to be a better person. “I think I was born to be his guardian angel. I think I was born connected to him, because our connection is so strong that I can't get away from him…”. Who has never heard someone say things like that?!
No, you didn't come into this world just to take care of someone else, especially when they only hurt you. Do we have missions on Earth? Yes, we have. But the main thing is to take care of your own well-being. You are not an angel. You are a human being. You must not forget yourself for someone else's sake. Never. He heard? Never!
Funny… Can love become an addiction? He can. So why don't we get addicted to self-love? This doesn't mean being selfish, it just means putting yourself first in situations like those described in this text.
Nothing that causes addiction can do us any good. We must dose everything, even love (how about dividing this feeling into parts: leave a part for the love of parents, another for friends, one for boyfriend and most, most importantly, is with self-love).
We should always reflect and think: is it doing me good? Why am I changing so much? Why do I accept this? It is worth it? M happy? How important is this really to me?
Don't forget that no one will put you first in life but yourself.
Written by Giovanna Frugis from the Eu Sem Fronteiras team.
