It is not uncommon for people with a narcissistic personality to make use of what psychology ended up with the designation of “flying monkeys”. The term originated in the plot of "The Wizard of Oz", where the flying monkeys did the dirty work for the evil witch of fiction. In real life they can come across as neighbors, siblings, social media contacts, schoolmates, or anyone else who has a personal bond with the narcissist. Such people, as already said, end up doing – voluntarily or involuntarily – the dirty work that meets the narcissist's goals, but for which he does not intend to expose himself. In this way he skillfully uses the flying monkeys which he also manipulates, but at that moment they are not in the focus of his main objective. Despite this, they end up imposing an abusive treatment on the narcissist's victims because they still believe in his good intentions, thanks to his power of persuasion.
For this reason, the flying monkeys become an extra problem for the victims of the narcissist, transformed as they are an extension of his power and placed at the forefront of the process so that he can achieve his goals indirectly. They are quite useful when it comes to the narcissist's connection with his victims, as they are more welcomed by them than he himself, who has become a stamped figure thanks to his history of abuse. It is very difficult to convince a flying monkey that he is being used by the narcissist and what the consequences of this are, since he is under his influence because of the bonds that have been established. In reality he doesn't understand why he refuses to understand. Some more stubborn and repeat offenders choose to remain blind to the situation and little can be done to wake them up, unless they are suspicious of a glaring fact and seek the information for themselves. Even so, there is no guarantee of reversal, as some people consolidate a false image - but so solidly constructed by the narcissist - that they cannot erase it from their head simply because they do not accept to admit that they have always been wrong.
Such a difficulty leads to the conclusion that flying monkeys also have their own reasons for behaving this way. Some actually do it out of ignorance, deceived they were for years by the narcissist who dominates them, but studies also reveal that people with such a profile have a weak personality to impose resistance to those who put them under strong power of influence, becoming moldable to whom. prove yourself smart enough to manipulate them. Often they are even able to understand their reality and that of the narcissist who manipulates them, but they lack the courage to defend the right side of the story, since, as the weakest part of this triangle, they think it's better to stay on the stronger side of the story. become the preferred target of the pathological narcissist. This fact can even occur because of the memory they bring of a recent past in which they were already victims. There are even cases of being taught to approach targets to meet the narcissist's interests, as he does not ignore the greater acceptance that his flying monkeys obtain from their victims. It cannot be ruled out, however, that these are also narcissists hiding a behavior that they themselves have not yet realized. There are those exceptions, such as well-meaning people used as useful innocents by a clever narcissist to turn them into involuntary flying apes. The advantage of these is the possibility of being more easily aroused by data that allow them to draw their own conclusions.
Another not so rare fact is to find several narcissists in the same family in different degrees of deviation. It is enough that one of its most important members has a narcissistic personality and exerts influence on the others to imprint the same characteristic on them, as is the case, for example, of a narcissistic mother who has ascendancy over her own children. As a result, it is not uncommon for a family member who finds himself awakened to the fact to end up being a scapegoat and the target of everyone's wrath, who will always see him as a threat for the bad habit of telling the truth and exposing the multiple narcissists among the too much. If this is your case, the best thing to do is to get away from everyone, no matter how much it hurts you, without which you will hardly have peace, since you will always be to blame for everything that goes wrong in their plans.
Narcissists who live in the same environment will usually band together against the scapegoat while remaining in competition with each other, as their goals are too self-centered for them to share. To an attentive observer, this dynamic will not escape, when dealing with a family with several narcissists who have acted throughout their timeline. The scapegoat to be chosen, therefore, will be the member who woke up to the sad reality in which they live. From that moment on, he will be seen as a threat to the secrecy that others try to keep away from their audience. They will not hesitate to treat your attempts to awaken them to the context around them as a conspiracy theory. For this member, therefore, the suffering will be intense, regardless of the decision he makes: if he leaves everything as it is, he will be the preferred target of others, since he is seen as a permanent threat to the maneuvers being discovered, for refusing to agree with them. ; if he decides to walk away, he will face the loss of the narcissists and flying monkeys attached to him, who will need to be removed in his quest for self-preservation. Whichever way he leans, then, he will always come out of this story hurt and will need a lot of determination and resilience to overcome his family drama. Among the decisions, however, the last one will still be the best, because with the gradual detachment from the focus of his problems, he will end up concluding that he made the healthier choice and now he will be able to lead a life free from the successive pressures and the toxic environment of his family environment. .
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- Learn How Narcissists Control Their Emotions
- Understand that something unresolved in you can be reflected in others
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- What is Narcissism?
- And when your family is colluding with the abuser?
The greatest benefit, in the end, comes from the realization that excluding people who do not add any value to your life, strictly speaking, does not represent a loss, but a victory. A difficult victory, it is true, because of the pain it causes, but always a victory, because it is based on courage and overcoming. In addition to the trauma of the separation itself, the decision will not be exempt from some side effects, as narcissists and/or their flying monkeys will not be pleased with this declaration of freedom, especially when among them there is a father or mother we love. This is used as an asset by others, as they will still suffer from the pressure of being cast as the ungrateful son, the spiteful brother, and whatever else they can find to dump the blame for the breakup on their shoulders, as they will never see themselves as the cause of the breakup. toxicity of that vicious circle he had to break.
Naturally, then, among the scapegoat's greatest losses are some relationships that he would not want to cut, if he had such an option, and that will undoubtedly hurt a lot; but time always comes as the greatest medicine. When you put the before and after side by side, as soon as the dust settles, you will have no doubts about the real dimension of your gain, especially with regard to your mental health, even more when you are aware that it is just the first step before the collapse of physical health, which follows after the first, if we cowardly face the decision that needs to be made.
