Guilt is one of the most painful feelings we can feel, especially because it usually comes with other very negative emotions, such as frustration, fears, trauma, among others. Anyway, we need to learn to deal with it and, in some cases, just not feel any guilt.
In short, these cases are the ones where you decide to put yourself first, take care of yourself and prepare for a better and new phase in your life. In this way, even though it sounds beautiful, beginnings, changes and reflections on the past can come with a strong sense of guilt...
But first of all, let's understand what guilt is.
What is guilt?
“Guilt”, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is “responsibility for harm, harm and/or disaster caused to another or to oneself”. That is, it's that bad feeling that comes when we realize that we made a mistake, that we didn't do what should be done, that we acted inappropriately, and so on.
Psychology tells us that guilt is directly linked to frustration: when we fail to meet our standards or someone else's standards, guilt comes, which is nothing more than the bad feeling that comes over us when we realize that we have violated expectations, the values ​​the beliefs and morals that we have or that others expect of us.
Why get rid of guilt?
Feeling guilty is normal and, after all, it's not a bad sign. When you feel guilty, it means you really understand. And more than that: he really felt like he made a mistake or something. So don't look at guilt as a bad thing, because it can help you.
In addition, we often feel guilty for prioritizing ourselves, for putting aside what others or society expects of us (even what we expect of us). But it's your self-care that will save you and lead you to the best path. So you can't feel guilty about taking care of yourself.
To help you with this, we have prepared a list of 6 situations for which you should never feel guilty. Check it out and never feel guilty.
1 – By setting limits
Saying “yes” all the time will make you live pleasing others. You will become known as a friendly, available, generous and supportive person. But what about who takes care of you while you take care of everyone else? So you need to learn to set boundaries and not feel guilty about it at all.
Before saying “yes”, before committing, before reaching out, and so on, think: “Is this going against my will?”, “Am I doing something I really want to do?”. So, if the answers are negative, rethink your attitude and set limits. Say "no", walk away... anyway, do what's best for you, never just for the other.
And remember this: the people who really love you will understand that the boundaries you set were for your good, for you to take care of yourself. So they will not only respect them but also applaud them! Therefore, do not hesitate to distance yourself from people who do not respect the limits you have imposed.
2 – To be prioritized
You are the most important person in your life. You are the only one who knows exactly what you feel, what you think, what you don't want, what you hate, and so on. So who better than you to do exactly what you want and need? That way, you need to understand that you need to prioritize yourself.
When you prioritize, in addition to doing yourself good, understand that you are also doing good to everyone who is part of your life, because seeking your peace and happiness will also bring these feelings to the walk of those who love you. . Finally, prioritize your wishes!
And think again of the advice in the last paragraph of the previous item: don't feel guilty either for moving away from people and situations that don't understand or accept that you need to think about yourself and take care of your interests more.
3 – By placing full stops
Has a relationship stopped making sense? Does a job bring you unhappiness? Doesn't a habit or hobby provide more well-being? Has a friendship stopped doing you good? Does the presence of a family member cause bad feelings? Anyway, uncomfortable situations can be many, but you need to learn to put full stops.
Yes, breakups, separation from friends and other situations naturally come with negative and painful feelings. So don't add even one more, that's to blame. Don't stay in situations and environments in which you no longer see meaning and that no longer fulfill you.
You need to understand that if it doesn't make sense to your heart anymore and if you've really considered what to do, and you're acting responsibly (including emotionally responsible to the people you're involved with), that's what matters. Endings make room for new beginnings.
4 – Through the distant past
Who you were yesterday is not who you are today, so it's not fair to "measure" yourself using the ruler you have today. You are probably a wiser, more experienced, and more mature person today, considering that you have lived through many more situations than your past self. So go easy on your version back there.
It's not fair to live regretting the attitudes you took some time ago, especially because, back then, it's very likely that you did what you thought made sense. If the results weren't what you expected, it's probably not your fault alone.
Finally, understand: it was your walk since then that brought you here. That's why you are who you are today only because you made your mistakes and made your successes in the past. So take it easy with your “older” version and see in the future a chance to do different, but without blaming yourself for what has passed.
5 – For not realizing it
“How did I not realize that this person would do this to me?” thinks a person who has been betrayed by a partner, a friend, a family member, a co-worker or someone else. It's easy to think like that these days, now that you already know everything that happened and who that person was or what a certain situation would be like.
But then again, it's not fair to do that to your past self. If you'd known the consequences, you probably wouldn't have been wrong. If you ended up making a mistake, it's not always your fault. People lie, expectations are created, problems happen... Anyway, don't see something that involves so many factors as your fault.
May this serve as a lesson for the next situations, but also that you don't brood and blame yourself too much for having been frustrated, for having trusted too much, for having expected too much. Instead, see your confidence, your surrender and your expectation as good characteristics of someone who is willing to live. If it goes wrong, it's part of it.
6 – For not having done it yet
How many dreams lie dormant in us as we run with the obligations of life and everyday life? How many goals have we missed? How many times do we neglect our plans, our goals, our health, our happiness…? But if you stopped doing one thing, it's because you did another, you know?
Here's an example: if you stopped sweeping the house because you were watching a series, stop watching only the "I didn't sweep the house" and also see the "I decided to rest and watch a series". No time is wasted. Everything serves as experience, even what goes wrong, whatever it is to go wrong.
You might also like:
- Explore how self-forgiveness helps you deal with guilt
- Reflect on selective generosity and necessary selfishness
- Identify 6 reasons to say “no” more in life
Anyway, respect your time, value everything you've built and conquered so far and, instead of focusing on what you still don't have and the places you haven't arrived yet, focus on what you already have and have already achieved. Don't blame yourself for not having done it yet, because your time will come, and many other things have been done along the way.
Yes, dealing with guilt is not easy and there are no shortcuts: often, the pain really needs to be felt... But when you learn to limit that pain, to prevent it from appearing in certain situations in which you decide to take care of yourself and if you prioritize, you start to live lighter. Life can be heavy, so don't carry unnecessary guilt!
