I think the two, all together and mixed!
Being a mother is, in fact, an extremely rewarding role, full of joy, fun and a lot of fulfillment. Being a mother is being at the service of something much greater: at the service of life and the will of God.
If there is any emotion that resembles being a mother, I don't know, such is the greatness that a woman feels when she becomes a mother. It's a mixture of power and fear, of endless joy and worry. It is a unique moment, in which the presence of a Greater Intelligence, much greater than ours, is undeniable.
When a child is born, a parallel being is born, who already existed, but without the slightest idea of ​​what her life would be like after becoming a mother.
It is a deep symbiotic relationship. And psychoanalysis explained this a long time ago. According to Freud, mother and child are beings merged into one, at least for a few months, until this child begins to realize that she is separate, that she is not the mother, that she is a being alien to the one who breastfeeds and takes care of her. And there it all begins!
Mothers are beings that can guide us and set us on a wonderful path, making us feel empowered, safe, strong and capable of creating our own perceptions about things around us. A relationship in which the mother is sure of herself, has well-developed self-esteem and is mature, is a healthy relationship, in which the mother knows how to raise children without projecting her beliefs on them.
However, this is a very uncommon situation. The most common is that mothers, who were raised by other mothers, are not always so sure of themselves, sometimes they are submissive and have problems with self-esteem, so they end up transmitting beliefs and “truths” that are inappropriate for the development of a child, that keeps in its HD memories of limitations, fear and insecurity.
This is how the cycles repeat themselves, because we are all here in this world to learn to be better, more aware physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And, in a field of learning, each one proceeds with their own resources, doing the best they can with them.
When a mother realizes her emotional gaps, maybe, up front, she asks someone to help her see what she didn't see when she had her children. This happens to those who realize the imbalances of their emotions, who end up having problems in their relationships or with their children, then recognize that something is not going well and admit that the issue is theirs, not their children.
Ideally, all of us mothers could put a lot of attention on ourselves before we even become mothers. But life is not like that. We live by bumps and, one day at a time, we do what is necessary and possible. Unconsciously following our days, repeating the same patterns we learned from our parents.
As Renato Russo said: “You blame your parents for everything. This is nonsense. It's kids like you that you're going to be when you grow up.” This understanding opens a huge door for us to start doing things differently and to look at our children as learning opportunities. It is a unique chance to welcome our inner child and to realize what we lacked and how we can complete it within us, so that we can offer fullness to ourselves and our children. This requires a level of awareness that, in most cases, we don't have when we decide to get pregnant.
I know, everything is looking very boring! Why being a mother is so much work? Why be a mother? Wouldn't it be easier to just be quiet and not be responsible for being none other than us?
Yes and no! Easier would be. Maybe more comfortable. But this is the experience we came to live to learn! Not all women will be mothers, and this is not a problem, because this is not mandatory nor does it minimize the value of being a woman. There are many mothers who have never had a child. The issue of gaining awareness is a human one, not just a female one. For those who decide to be mothers, it is an experience to evolve.
For us, those who have decided to have children, the sooner we understand the hidden dynamics in the relationships between mothers and children, in the beliefs and behavior patterns that we bring to our children's education, the sooner we will give them freedom of action and the sooner we will be able to resume the course of our own evolution, which, despite having an enormous opportunity in the profession of mother, is independent of the fact of being a mother.
Now let's observe the look of the Systemic Constellation on mothers. According to Bert Hellinger: “He who is not successful with his mother is not successful with his profession either”.
It seems very strange to say this, but, according to the systemic view (which refers to the system of a family), everyone who has problems with their mother - and there are not few in this life - has a lot of difficulty walking fluidly through the world. life and, above all, in his profession. There always seems to be something that gets stuck, like floodwood curling around edges.
Mother has a fundamental role in our lives. She is a being of strength and courage who has accepted – consciously or unconsciously – to risk her own life to give life to another being and, for that reason, she must already be respected and loved unconditionally. Some will say: “Okay, but my mother is a boring, controlling, tantrum! Just because it's my mother I have to swallow it?”.
The mother is our first connection to the world. From conception, we were already united with her. And whether we like it or not, it is inevitable to be born of one, at least in this dimension in which we live. Everything that is experienced by the mother is transmitted to the fetus. All information from the family morphic field (information field in which all genetic and behavioral characteristics are perpetuated) is already present from our conception. And that starts to be passed on to the baby inside the womb. All the experiences lived by the mother during pregnancy are also imprinted on the baby, so we are already born learning things about our family.
When Bert Hellinger tells us about accepting and loving his mother unconditionally, giving thanks for the life that came from her, he is not implying that it is necessary to resign to the beliefs and “truths” that that mother passed on to us, but rather to accept that what that's what she can give us.
To accept is to understand with love that every mother is the right mother for that child, for the experience he needs to evolve and to perpetuate the family clan. She spent everything she had. Life is what it is and the mother we have is the best mother we could ever have. The experiences she lived shaped her into the person she is and, as such, offered what was possible for her.
Understanding and lovingly accepting what each one does within their level of consciousness allows us to find peace and, in this way, seek a new consciousness that will change our cognitive panel, our beliefs and “inherited truths”, to make us different.
When we accept that everything was as it was, as it was possible to be, we accept the primacy of Divine Wisdom in our lives. We don't judge God by his "rights and wrongs". This is human arrogance. It is important to understand and accept that each experience we live has shaped us and brought us here. Denying the mother is denying 50% of our genetic makeup and, ultimately, denying 50% of myself.
The Constellation vision is quite controversial until we understand that love is the basis of everything. When we accept our mothers as they are, we can appease our hearts, understanding that there was no way to be different, that just for life they deserve all respect and love.
When we accept this fact, without blaming anyone for our mistakes and successes, we take control of our lives, of our responsibility and embrace the possibility of doing different, even if at first we have judged our mothers as deep wells in our lives.
Many of us (including our children, that's right!) hold emotions of anger towards our mothers, blaming them and carrying an immense burden for it. As long as we don't free ourselves from this childish and demanding look at them, thinking that they could have done more for us, we don't let the flow of our life flow freely, because we are blocking it from the source, from the root, from where it was born: from the mother. Accepting the mother as she is and knowing that we can do different is liberating, because it allows us to look at our life in a clear and limpid way.
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Our mothers, when, according to our view, “fail” us, are giving us the opportunity to look for ways out, to do things differently and to prove ourselves. Taking the mother as she is means freeing herself. It is to launch ourselves into life, reaching our potential, bringing a new interpretation to our family system, a different action that will have an impact on our entire clan, especially and especially for our own children, because this will be passed through the information field of our family system.
That's why being a mother is a difficult task, between light and shadow, but it's also divine. Being a conscious mother, who knows herself, allows her children to experience their own experiences. Even if that doesn't happen, we will all have the chance to change that relationship through unconditional love and the understanding that life doesn't depend on the mother we had, but on the way we want to see her. This is the order of love. Everything was what it was and is what it is. Accept your mother as she is and understand that there is always the possibility of doing things differently. That's what matters!
