I will cite a case of a daughter who creates a private dictionary, where the word mother means: a woman who gives up having her own life, taking care of herself, her own values, using part of her money earned with hard work in favor of yourself. A being that can survive with virtually no rest or leisure to cater to her 20-year-old daughter's every need, desire, and whim.
The author of this definition came to this conclusion when comparing her mother with her friend's mother. She deduced that her friend gets the better of “having a mother as defined above”.
You can imagine the high level of tension that exists in this relationship, where the daughter behaves like a spoiled child, causing stress for both herself and the mother, since it is impossible for her mother to be 'that green grass,' that the mother of your daughter's friend is'”.
If this girl went to live with her friend and her mother, it is very likely that “this grass would wither”. Since being pleasant, cordial and even pampering a visit for a few hours or days is much easier than doing the same thing when you move in together. And, when there is no maturity and fulfillment of the responsibilities that fall to this daughter, who, at the age of 20, makes childish demands, living together becomes even more difficult.
Putting it better, a comparison can be used as a growth tool, when a person admires someone and wants to improve their attitudes to look like them. However, in this case, the comparison generates frustration, sadness and anger when comparing the “best” of the friend's mother with the “worst” of her own mother. Comparison disrespects individuality, because we are unique beings! Living in different contexts and having totally different experiences.
Each mother – as well as each person, including this daughter – gives the best they have to offer, within their potential and difficulties.
Learning to value the best of your mother, and the best of each person - including yourself -, reduces the habit of comparing and classifying people as inferior or superior, since we are all special in unique ways. . We are the result of the relationships between genetics, society, culture, life history, in short, worldview.
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- What is Family Constellation?
The Family Systemic Constellation is of great value in positioning each family member in their place of power, generating harmony in relationships: child in the place of child, and adult in the position of adult; mother positioned as mother, and daughter in her proper place as daughter.
Facilitator Fátima Cardoso
Family Systemic Constellation and
Quantum Kinesiology
